Story Sent in by Ed:
Arianne asked me if I was a sports fan and I told her I liked the Steelers. On our date she gave me a Steelers hat. It smelled like a thrift store and was pretty filthy so I thanked her and put it aside.
Not long afterward she told me, "I thought you were a Steelers fan. Why aren't you wearing the hat? It took me forever to find it for you."
I told her, "Maybe I'll wash it, first."
She said, "Can't I just see you in it? It took me forever to find."
"I'd really like to wash it."
"Just put it on! It's not that difficult!"
I grabbed a napkin, put it over my head, and then put the hat on over it. She said, "Take the napkin off! Jesus Christ, why is this so difficult!"
I handed her the hat and said, "Let's see you wear it!"
She said, "No! It's gross. Just let me see you in it!"
She didn't. I went home with it and eventually brought it to another thrift store. That was long after that first and only date with Arianne.
You'll have to forgive her OP. It was a natural compulsion.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that hat totally had lice eggs in it.
Bananas! Are you back from your weeklong sesh of noisily screwing guys with crew cuts and scars on their backs?
ReplyDeleteHave you been following me?! I mean. No of course not.
DeleteI like the part when she acknowledges the griminess of the hat and still insists he wear it.
ReplyDeleteIt got me too. When OP says that one thing or another is "gross", I always have my doubts. Some people's gross switch is rather too easily triggered. But her own admission makes me believe that, after all, the hat must have been really gross.
DeleteI'm Team Arianne. She gets this dude a thoughtful gift for the first date, which is way more than any of the dinner wh0res I dated ever did... If she lived in a dorm or other small apartment, she might not have had a washing machine to clean it... what, is she supposed to take 1 hat to a laundromat? That's not efficient...
ReplyDeleteA gentleman would have tried the hat on. Instead, you had a napkin on your head. 'Nuff said.
Um, even she wouldn't put it on because, as she put it, it was gross.
DeleteTeam OP. She should have bought him a Steelers hat that was new and clean. You don't give somebody DIRT as a gift unless you're either four years old and don't know any better, or you're an @$$hat
Delete"That's some bad hat Harry"
ReplyDeleteClearly Arianne was lonely and just wanted some company. The hat was just a brain slug in disguise.
ReplyDeleteArianne is never going to be able to join a terrorist group if she can't up her biological warfare game.
ReplyDeleteThat kind of germaphobia is not very manly and quite a turn off.
ReplyDelete