Story Sent in by Mack:
Alicia met me outside of her brownstone apartment and she made a really big point to tell me that she just rented an apartment in it and that she didn't own the whole thing. Okay. Whatever. Either way.
She worked at an AT&T Store and at dinner she tried to convince me to change my cell phone plan. I was happy with what I had and I didn't much like being sold to. I kept politely rebuffing her and she kept accusing me of "playing hardball." No. I just don't want to feel like I'm in a retail cell phone store during my dinner, thank you kindly!
After dinner we walked through town with no real destination in mind. But what do you know, we wound up right in front of her AT&T Store! And it was closed. But she pulled out her keys and said, "You can follow me in and I'll give you a deal."
I said, "If it's a cell plan deal I'm not buying."
She winked and said, "It isn't."
It totally was. We went inside and she turned off the alarm and stepped behind a row of phones. "Any of these can come free with a new mobile-me-share-whatever plan. If you'd just—"
"Not interested," I said again.
She gave up, locked up, led me out of the store, and we strolled back to her place without a word. When we made it there I thought there'd be at least a "goodnight."
Instead she said, "What are you still following me for? Stalker. Take a hike."
I said, "I was thinking: maybe I am due for an upgrade."
Her face lit up. "Really? Because I can promise you an amazing deal on—"
I started walking away. She followed after me a few steps and asked, "Hey! Where are you going?"
I said, "What are you still following me for? Stalker. Take a hike."
Slam. Date over.
I always try to combine dinner dates with getting new legal work. I usually go with: "we seem like a terrible couple despite the match percentage; have you considered suing the website?" Then I try to get them to pay for dinner as a retainer.
ReplyDeleteDamn, that was good. She totally created a new job: Internet Date-a-Marketing. Instead of getting called by a telemarketer during dinner, you cut out the middle man and just go to dinner with the telemarketer! Harder to just hang up though. Although, with the right amount of blunt trauma to the head....
ReplyDeleteShe learned from Kimberly and thought she could improve on the technique...
DeleteOne does not simply afford a brownstone apartment by taking nights off.
ReplyDeleteToo bad Bananas didn't go on a date with this chick... her S4 is getting tired!
it's an S5 thank you very much! hmph!
DeleteThis reminded me of my sales pitch date.I went out on a date with a guy who was trying to sell me a burial plot.I told him no thanks because I planed to have a Viking funeral.The date ended up lasting about an hour before I had to excuse myself for "not feeling well".I kept getting calls that week from a telemarketer guy trying to sell me a burial plot that swore he was not my bad date even though he sounded just like him.The calls stopped once I contacted the Annoyance Call Bureau.I would have gladly traded Op a cell phone pitch,but any sales pitch is a bitch.Op let the bad date go on too long.Should of nipped it in the bud or at least had some fun with it by trying to sell her a bridge.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you really want a Viking burial, but it doesn't matter, that's a fantastic rebuttal!
DeleteI want to go out in style!Perhaps I watched way too many action movies growing up.I'm not even Norse and it's illegal as all hell but it would be awesome.
Deletethis sounds like the conversation you have in the shower three years after the fact. I don't doubt the date happened, but I have my suspicions about the mike drop moment.
ReplyDeleteI have conversations with myself every time I shower and every time it ends with me curled up in a fetal position wishing I had just stayed home and played mind sweeper.
DeleteGoddamnit! MINE SWEEPER! MINE, like the little picture that pops up when you click a button. This outburst has been brought to you by too much stress and today's sponsor, BEER. Having a stressful day? Crack open a refreshing beer!
Deleteopps...did,I do that?I'm always doing that...
DeleteI think Op did the mic drop a little too late.It kind of lacked luster because Alicia said it first.Slam,date was over at first sales pitch.No one got any kind of commission from this date.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how my date would take it if I was to explain how to do basic algebra or solve problems involving ratios.
ReplyDelete"You used to call me on ma cellphone, late night when you neeeeed maaa love..."
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mack here..I wouldn't want to be hassled about anything by a date while we were out together, either.
ReplyDelete