(Chris Hillier was a 9/11 first responder. He's a great fellow. He needs a service dog. Click here to help him! -JMG)
Story Sent in by Inez:
Despite the fact that he had seen photos of me on my profile, when Connor met me for the first time in person he looked me up and down and said, "Nice ass. We may proceed with the date."
I was offended, hurt, and ticked off. I had taken the time to message him, talk to him on the phone, and get dressed up for this?
Not missing a beat, I said, "But your head looks a bit bigger than it did online. I'm not sure if I really want to go through with this."
He said, "Are you serious? My head's the same size as it was online. The same size and everything!"
I looked at his crotch through his too-tight jeans and I pointed. "And you look a little too big in the you-know-where. You're totally padding, right?"
"I'm not! I'm not too big! I'm small! I'll show you right now if you want to–"
I put a hand up, stopping things before they grew way out of proportion (ha). I had to chuckle at what I had accomplished but I was done playing with the little boy. I said, "I have to be honest: I'm having second thoughts. Can we call it a night?"
"What? Is this seriously about my head and my dick? I'm really just fine everywhere. I can–"
I was already a few steps away. "Nope. Thanks. I'm good. See ya."
I hope a lesson was learned there. If not, I hope someone else was one day able to teach it to him in a simple language he was able to understand.
Connor sure did make a nice ass out of himself indeed.OP get's a well deserved golf clap!As for learning a lesson,not all the sock puppets in the world could explain things to that teeny weenie brain of his.
ReplyDeleteJust a heads up,grammatical errors are as certain as death,taxes,and bad dates(both the fruit and social/romantic appointment between two people)...
DeleteNot really... Perfect grammar is a skill that can be honed and perfected - much like chainsawing unsuspecting teenagers a la Chunky Horse... or even making mad, passionate love to Bananas...
DeleteMmmmmmmm.....grammatically perfect Bananas. That gets me all hot and bothered Steve.
DeleteThat doesn't sound very easy to accomplish, Steve. If you're looking for fruity fun, you might want to try something with more size.
DeleteI've been assured that size doesn't matter.
DeleteSome women can't take a compliment...dotdotdot...
ReplyDeleteI will hone and perfect my errors in accordance with the Chunky Horse prophecies...
DeleteChunky Horse believes that destiny is something that must be achieved, not waited around for...
DeleteI know exactly what that small penised man went home thinking....
ReplyDeleteBrava! Inez wins!
ReplyDeleteHey wait a minute, she actually stopped the date once she found out he was an idiot? Way to go Inez! Not as entertaining as the ding dongs that continue the bad dates, but it's nice to see someone shut down a dingus.
ReplyDeleteWell done, though he might've gotten the point better if you'd just said "Sorry, but that's a dealbreaker" and walked out that way.. Wouldn't be a good story for this site, though :)
ReplyDeleteI want to high five the OP so badly right now!
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone get the feeling that a few of Connor's date stories have made it onto this site? Like, "Inez was obviously in a foul mood before I even offered my friendly hello and told her she looked nice. She responded by telling my my head looked big (WTF?), accused me of padding you know where and then, as if disappointed by this, told me we should call it a night and stormed off."
ReplyDelete100% Team Inez though, every time.