Story Sent in by Nancy:
I was in line with Wesley at an ice cream place. It was our first date and it was going all right. Behind us in line was a mother and two little girls. One was probably close to seven, the other close to three.
Wesley kept glancing behind us at them like something was wrong. I asked if everything was okay and he said it was. Clearly he was brushing me off about something. The line moved on.
The three-year-old was directly behind Wesley, right near his butt. Out of nowhere he let out a monumental fart right in her face.
Everyone around us looked our way. The little girl jumped back, looked up at Wesley, and started to cry. The mother grabbed the girl and asked Wesley, "What's wrong with you?"
"Yeah," was all Wesley said in response. I smelled the fart. It was really, really bad.
He could tell I was upset and he offered to pay for the ice cream, which I let him do. The whole incident grossed me out beyond belief and I didn't go out with him again.
If Wesley would of said"I fart in your general direction".That would of been vile yet acceptable.But he didn't,yeah......I am sure it did not smell or taste like elderberries either.....
ReplyDeleteWesley was an empty-headed animal food trough wiper!
DeleteAlso, just because it is driving me crazy, can you please stop using "of" instead of "have"? Also, spaces after your periods. You're funny, but you're killing me Smalls.
Or, he could have gone the Eddie Murphy route and told her "It's the Fart Game." You'll play one day.
DeleteYou should have said "You're killing me Smiles".
DeleteTotally. I realized that after I hit Publish but was too lazy to change it. Note to self: Be less lazy.
DeleteMeh... I'll stop procrastinating, tomorrow...
DeleteActually Archer,I meant to do that just because I know it peeves you.{Dramatic pause}....
DeleteBa Ba BAAAAAAAA!
DeleteNoticed was she wasn't grossed out enough until he paid for her ice cream. Can't blame her though, ice cream is so damn delicious.
ReplyDeleteI know a guy who suffered through a thousand farts just for a spoonful of cookie dough. When the time finally came to eat, the place was out of it. So he settled for rum raisin. It's just that good.
DeleteI bet she got toot-y fruity too
DeleteOP left out the part of the date where she insisted they get Mexican food prior to ice cream...
ReplyDeleteThat poor kid is traumatized for life. She will never go into an ice cream parlor again without worrying that the person in line in front of her is going to fart all over her.
ReplyDeleteOr she could develop some sort of weird fart/ice cream fetish. It's a toss up really.
Little of column A, little of column B.
DeleteI'd give this a solid 5/7 because it's Archer, but it would have been funnier with different text. You could have referenced a different meme. For instance, "Why not both?" The word "both" would then lead to the Archer meme. Hilarity.
DeleteStop telling other people how to be funny, Bananas!
DeleteHumor is the subversion of expectation... if we all made the same jokes, there would be no unpredictability. God!
Damn straight!
DeleteArch gets a 5/7, well done.
DeleteDoes everyone get a 5/7?
DeleteHe couldn't keep it in obviously... He was probably hoping it would be silent :D. He should have apologized to the people behind at least:S. Accidental farts happen but there are no excuses for poor manners:/.
ReplyDelete