Ally Way

Story Sent in by Ronnie:

I met Melissa for a first date at a Starbucks. She wore two pride buttons and wasted no time in saying, "My brother's gay."

She stopped there as if waiting for me to go on a savage tirade about gay people. But I didn't. I just said, "Okay."

"So you're an ally, then?"

"Yes."

She let out a sigh of relief. "Good. Every guy I've dated for the past year is a closet gay-hater. Do you have lots of gay friends?"

"A few."

She cringed like I had said something really crappy. "But not a lot? That doesn't speak too highly of your self-proclaimed 'ally' status."

"Maybe you can introduce me to some of your gay friends so I can have a larger collection."

She said, "Why is that my responsibility? If you were really an ally, you'd have made more gay friends on your own. When was the last pride parade you marched in?"

"I've never marched in a pride parade."

She shook her head sadly. "I don't think this will work out. I mean, you're not even wearing a pride button."

I pointed at her two buttons. "You're wearing enough for two people."

She said, "It's not my responsibility to make you an ally. You have to go the distance, yourself. It wouldn't surprise me at this point to learn that you're a closet gay-hater."

"I'm not."

"Well, whatever."

She sucked down her drink and then said out of the blue, "What's your favorite coffee here?"

We then had a long discussion about coffee, the town, and everything except for her gay brother. It was like the first part of the conversation no longer mattered. Maybe it was her way of salvaging the date but I wasn't too into her, anymore.

When we were finally done she gave me a hug and said, "I hope you have an enjoyable life."

I have, thank you. And I never went out with Melissa again.