This Wine Glass Smell off to You?

Story Sent in by Jacqueline:

When Gary and I went out to dinner and ordered wine, he asked for his to be served in a coffee mug. When the waitress went to accommodate his request I asked him, "Why a mug?"

He said, "A mug is like comfort food. A mug is a man's best friend. It's small, portable, and durable. When you need a drink, a urinal, or a toilet, it does everything you need. I mean, you need to wash it between uses but it just always makes me feel better to have one nearby."

"Okay," I said. I was anxious to not talk about mugs as toilets anymore.

But you know what? Gary went on, "I've had to use a mug as a toilet twice. Once when my car broke down in Washington state. Another time when I was out camping. You gotta go, you gotta go, you know?"

"All right," I said. Then I looked around the restaurant and did my best to change the subject. "I've never been here before but it seems really nice. Have you tried their seafood?"

He said, "Yeah, crapping in a mug is all right, but I'd avoid it if you can. I mean, forget there being enough room, although clean-up is easier than you'd think."

The waitress returned with our wine. She poured mine in a glass and Gary's in a mug. As she did, Gary pointed at the mug and said to me, "Like this one, here. It's too small."

The waitress said, "Do you want a bigger one?"

Gary said, "Oh, no. We were just talking about something else. Carry on."

The waitress finished pouring and left. Gary held up his mug and inspected it. "Yeah. Too small to be of any real value. But maybe for a kid, if you can get them to sit still and position themselves–"

"Stop talking about it! Just shut up!" I said.

He looked at me like he had been talking about the weather. "W-what's wrong? I was just making conversation."

"Make conversation about something else."

He pressed, "I was just talking about being smart in the face of adversity. If you've ever had to crap in a mug, you'd know–"

"Shut up! Can you shut the mouth about it?"

He gave me a searching stare, like an ape trying to figure out a graphing calculator. Should I hit some buttons? Should I hammer stuff with it? Should I crap on it? Gee, what would be appropriate here? He finally stammered, "I, uh, well, okay. Sure. If it's a really sore subject. I had no idea that it was such a sore subject with you. Jesus."

I sipped down a little more than half my wine (there wasn't a lot in the glass), reached into my purse, pulled out enough to cover my drink, and said, "It was nice meeting you," and I booked it way the hell out of there.