Math Problem

Story Sent in by Luke:

I was out on a first date lunch with Samantha. She was a high school math teacher who (I discovered) only ever talked about her job. Not her family, not her interests... in fact, it became apparent to me during our talk that her job essentially was her family and her sole interest. Sad but there you have it.

After talking for a little bit she wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to me. It was a math problem.

"Solve it," she said.

It was something like (3+4(2-5)^2)-((5+2)/3).

I asked, "Why do you want me to do this? You can't figure it out? You're a math teacher."

She said, "I know the answer. I want to see you do it."

I didn't want to do math problems on a first date but I humored her all the same. As I worked it out she chanted, "Please excuse my dear Aunt Lacey. Please excuse my dear Aunt Lacey."

I knew what she was doing. Reciting a mnemonic for the order of math operations - the order in which you break down a math problem with multiple operators (do you add before subtracting? And so on). There was one problem, though: "Lacey" wasn't correct. P(arentheses) E(xponent) M(ultiplication) D(ivision) A(ddition) S(ubtraction). PEMDAS. Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally. At least that's how I had learned it, way back when. Sally. Not Lacey. Lacey made no sense. S for subtraction. L for... I don't know what.

So I corrected her. "You mean 'Sally.' Please excuse my dear Aunt Sally. S for subtraction."

"I mean Lacey. Finish the math problem."

"What does 'Lacey' stand for? There's no math operation here that it corresponds to. Lubtraction? That what you mean?"

"I'm giving you a clue. You can be grateful and finish the math problem."

"I'll finish it, but it's 'please excuse my dear Aunt Sally.' Not 'Lacey.'"

"It's 'Lacey.' Finish the math problem."

I shrugged. "Okay. But it's 'Please excuse my dear Aunt Sally.' S for subtract–"

She slammed a fist on the table. Whoa. "It's Lacey! It's Lacey! It's Lacey!"

I stopped doing the math problem and I stared right at her, horrified. She took a moment to think, then said, "Yeah, I'm positive. It's Lacey."

I said, "Okay," and slid the unfinished math problem back at her.

"You refuse to do the math problem?" she asked.

"I do."

She took the paper back and made little to no effort to speak to me for the rest of the date. It was pretty short, as I wanted to escape as soon as possible. When I did, I didn't look back.