Free Country, Hidden Costs

(My friend Tucker is creative, humorous, and warm. He is also a quadriplegic. Click here to help him continue to be awesome. -JMG)

Story Sent in by Armando:

I had been going out with Helen for a little while when we were invited to my friend Joseph's house for a party. There was a swimming pool and I reminded Helen to bring a bathing suit.

When I picked her up she had a small bag with her that I assumed contained her suit. On the way there she was chatty and friendly and I had no indication that anything was wrong. When we arrived at the party all seemed well and I went out to the pool to see my friends and I assumed that Helen would join me out there.

After a short time of chatting, I became aware that Helen wasn't outside with the rest of us. Perhaps she was changing. But she was gone a while. I went inside to look for her and I found her alone in my friend's downstairs den, plopped in front of a big-screen TV, watching wrestling.

"Hey," she said to me like nothing was out of the ordinary.

I asked her, "Coming outside?"

She said, "No. I just ordered some wrestling."

She had apparently just ordered at least a couple of wrestling programs with my friend's remote. Without any kind of permission. Seeking clarity, I asked, "How much was each one?"

She said, "I dunno. Like $19? It's okay. Your friend's loaded."

Not really the point. Helen then said, "You go up and have fun. I'll be down here." As she said that, she looked through more wrestling listings and their prices.

"Don't order more!" I told her.

She said, "It's a free country."

I responded by pulling the plug from my friend's TV set and taking it away.

"What are you doing? I ordered wrestling!" Helen demanded.

"It's a free country," I replied.

"You put that back! I want to watch wrestling! Go upstairs with your retard friends and leave me alone!"

"What's wrong with you?" I asked. She had never behaved like this before. Had I said something to upset her? Was it her time of the month? What was her malfunction?

"Plug it back in! Go back upstairs and leave me alone! Leave me alone!" She punched at my chest.

I shoved her away, hard. I said, "You get the hell out of here. I don't care if you have to call a friend or a taxi or what. We're done. I'm going upstairs to tell Joseph what you did. I suggest leaving."

She began to cry, but I had had it with her completely out-of-left-field behavior. I did indeed go upstairs to apologize to Joseph and offered to pay for the programs that Helen had ordered. By the tine we returned downstairs, she was gone. I plugged the TV back in and Joseph was able to call his cable company and cancel the orders.

On Joseph's request, I searched the house for Helen, as I had no idea if she was just hiding somewhere to do something else stupid and crazy. She was nowhere to be found and I assumed that she had left, quite likely on foot. Maybe she called a cab to pick her up from somewhere down the road. Whatever. It didn't matter to me at that point. Once you go crazy and violent, there's no salvaging things.

I had a great time at the party and Helen has hardly crossed my mind since then.