The World Is My Toilet

Story Sent in by Peggy:

After a couple successful dates I invited Kenneth to my house to play poker (we were both big fans). We put on a movie in the background, played a few hands, he excused himself to go to the bathroom, we played a few more hands, watched the movie for a bit, drank, and all in all it was a good time.

At the end of the evening (not long after the movie ended) he took his coat and gave me a goodnight kiss on the cheek. I would've gladly gone further, but I guess he wasn't ready. We said our goodbyes and I set to work cleaning up the cards.

It was right around that point that it hit me. The unmistakable smell of urine. I put the cards down and made for my bathroom.

It smelled like a high school locker room toilet. It was so foul that I nearly gagged. Kenneth had apparently unloaded his sizable bladder all over my bathroom. There was pee on the floor, in the sink, and in the tub. The floor mat was even wet. In fact, the only place devoid of urine was the toilet.

I called him up immediately. He said, "Hey, did I forget something?"

"How to use a toilet, it seems. What the hell is this about, you jerk?"

"I had to go. Should I have used your neighbor's bathroom?" he asked.

What blew me away more than anything was that he didn't use the bathroom right before he left. He used it at least a half-hour before he took off! What if I had gone in there before he departed? What would he have said if I had discovered it, then?

As I had these thoughts he hung up. I set to cleaning my bathroom, which took the better part of an hour.

To my amazement he actually called my voicemail a couple days later to ask me out again. Needless to say, I never contacted that dweeb back.