Hey, This Balance Sheet Smells Funny

Story Sent in by Basil:

After a couple of weeks of speaking online, I met Anita in person for a first date. We went out to dinner and early on I asked her how her work, at an investment bank, was going.

She said, "I'll be out of a job, soon."

"Why?"

She said, "I was written up today. Like I'm in high school!"

"What did you do?"

She explained, "I was swiveling in my swivel-chair at my desk. And some stupid manager wrote me up about it. That's what swivel-chairs are supposed to do! Swivel!"

Her story seemed to be missing a few details. I asked, "Were you swiveling... a lot? What justification did they use to write you up?"

Anita said, "I was just swiveling! That's what swivel-chairs are for! I swiveled, I puked, and that was it!"

"You puked?"

"It was a swivel-chair. I puked and now I'm getting blamed for it. Is this high school?" she repeated.

I said, "You said you'd be out of a job, soon. Are they firing you for that?"

She chuckled. "Being written up is pretty much the same thing. So if they're de facto firing me then I'm going out in a blaze of glory. I'm going in early tomorrow to puke all over that manager's desk. I'll have my stuff out of there and be gone before they even get there."

"That's really sick."

"She should've thought about that before writing me up. She wants puke? She'll get puke!" After a pause she added, "But yeah. Soon I'll be looking for a job."

I sighed. "I guess you have to stand up for yourself."

"Oh, I will."

I made the decision to not go out with her again, but I was extremely curious about whether or not she went through with it. I emailed her a couple of days later to ask her how it went.

She replied, "It was glorious!!! I made such a mess. They wrote me like a dozen angry emails about it but I don't care! Take that!!!"

Good for her. I hope she found a better place to work. And someone else to date.