Speed Bump

Story Sent in by Betti:

At dinner, Ron bragged all about how he knew every cop in town. "I know, like, all of them," he said, "We're all on a first-name basis."

"How'd that happen?" I asked, "You in the local Police Benevolent Association?"

He laughed long and hard at that. "No! I get lots of speeding tickets."

"Really?"

"Only like, three a week!" he laughed again.

I asked, "Don't they take your license away for more than a few?"

He said, "Oh, there are ways around it."

Future steady relationship material, this guy clearly wasn't. But the real kicker came after dinner.

We left the restaurant and he showed me his vehicle. It was a yellow sports car. What brand was it? Haven't the foggiest. He asked, "Wanna see how fast I can go 'round the block?"

"You don't have to," I began, but he was already jumping into his car, revving it up, and screeching away.

The block wasn't that big, but it took him longer than five minutes to return, which I felt was rude. When he did reappear, he double-parked his car and ran up to me. "Almost got into a fistfight with some asshoIe. He jumped into the crosswalk right when I was driving through it so I had to jump out and straighten him out, but at least I made it back! I'd say that's worth something, don't you?"

"Uh..."

"So you want me to drive us somewhere? Have some fun?"

"No thanks."

Without a word, he ran back into his car, revved the engine a few more times to impress me, then took off into the night, likely on his way to his fourth speeding ticket for the week.