Unhygienist

(You write. What's your most important responsibility? Click here to find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Ina:

My shortest date ever was also my strangest. Scott wrote to me online and at first he seemed charming. He was a dental hygienist and seemed really smart.

On our date we took a little walk around a city park. The plan was to have lunch and maybe go to a museum, but we never made it that far. I asked him about his job and he gave me a bunch of facts and figures about dental health that at first were interesting but soon became pretty boring. After all, there's only so many times I could hear, "The percentage of people in Bangladesh with access to legitimate dentists is less than two percent. In India, it's only a little higher. Japan has the best dentists in the world and over 10% of the population visits their dentists more than three times a year..." Okay, buddy. Thank you. Give it a rest.

But then he said, "Nothing's more sexy than a really clean mouth. Here, open yours?"

I was so surprised that I just went ahead and did it without much thought.

He looked in closely and promptly sneezed into my mouth.

I jumped back and yelled, "Oh, God!" and then spat out over and over.

"What's wrong with you?" he demanded in a nasty tone, "It's not like I just spewed filth into your mouth! It was a sneeze! It was clean!"

I kept spitting out his sneeze bits as best as I could. Between it all, I said, "Are you serious, asshoIe?"

He backed away and said, "All right. I can't handle this. Good night." He took off, just like that.

It was the middle of the day, but I didn't care as long as he was as far from me as possible.