Probably the Smell

Story Sent in by Armando:

I wore black dress shoes on my first date with Shelly because I wanted to look like I cared about how I looked. Only a few minutes after we met we were sitting on a park bench and she looked at my shoes and asked, "What are you wearing?"

"Dress shoes," I said.

"Yeah, but ladies' dress shoes? Why?" she asked.

I was not wearing ladies' dress shoes. I was wearing shoes I had definitely bought from the men's department. They were sized for a man. They were men's shoes. I said, "These are men's shoes."

She said, "Says who? Dame Edna? They're clearly women's shoes!"

I pulled one off and showed her the size number inside the shoe. "This is a men's 11. Sorry."

She said, "Put it back on at once! Your foot stinks!"

She was too far away to smell it but whatever. I put the men's dress shoe back on. She said, "Follow me. I want to show you something."

She led me to a nearby shoe store. We went inside, she looked around, and showed me a black high heel. "These are your shoes," she said.

I was not wearing black high heels. "Those are women's shoes," I told her.

"Right. Exactly what you're wearing."

Tired of her crap, I approached a salesman and asked him, "Could you settle something for us?" I showed him my shoes and said, "Are these men's shoes or women's shoes?"

"Men's," he said without hesitation.

Shelly looked really upset and she stormed out of the store. I followed her out and she raved at me for having "planted" the salesman and that I "always had to be right." She also said I was "Just like the U.S. Congress," whatever that meant. At that point I considered the date over and I went home to eat leftovers.