Story Sent in by Clinton:
There was a local candy store that had recently opened, and Valerie and I both agreed to visit it on our first date. While there we perused the aisles and I was pretty impressed with their selection.
Valerie slinked next to me with a smirk and asked me, "What's your favorite type of candy?"
I told her, "Probably chocolate. What's yours?"
She replied, "I like it when guys choke themselves. Like as a bedroom thing."
I hesitated a moment before replying, "That's your favorite type of candy?"
She said, "It's my favorite type of anything. I just like watching guys do that. Is that weird?"
"Of course not," I said.
"So you'd do it?" she asked. Her fingers went to her own throat.
"Probably not here and now, but I guess I could warm up to it someday. Maybe. I wouldn't have to die, would I? I mean, this wouldn't be like a one-time-only choke myself thing, would it?"
"I'll have to think about it," she said.
Well, it was nice of her to think about it. I enjoyed my chocolate and she seemed to enjoy her gummy worms. The conversation really just died around then, and there was no resuscitating it. We didn't wind up out together again. Mostly because of the whole self-choking-question thing.
"No, but you should meet my chicken, Frank. That feathery little fucker LOVES being choked. I've got a monkey that likes to be spanked, too."
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ReplyDelete^ For the win!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, she'll have to "think" about if she wants you to die or not? Seems like she might have a problem.
I have to admit to cracking up every time The Architect has a removed post; "comment has been removed by the author", because I imagine what might have been said or posted - and tsk tsk tsk - the Architect says some awful things when I do that ! hahahah
ReplyDeleteOh La Mar, if only. Usually it's a grammatical error that makes my OCD twitch.
ReplyDeleteThat Bill Murray clip had me laughing so hard I have to wipe tears ! Thanks - I really needed that :D You have the gift of the absurd - and I promise to stop complimenting you for a while because I just got the notion I'm sounding like a creepy fan !
ReplyDelete^ Glad I can make someone's day! You validate me saving all that money by not going to therapy. Don't stop the love, it's the only thing that keeps my self-loathing at bay. What would I do without you La Mar?
ReplyDeleteSadly Architect is having to fill the vacuum of Fizzik's absence. It's good to see someone picking up the slack though.
ReplyDeleteLove the Sailing too. :) Love that movie! When someone starts talking crazy around me I usually mutter "yeah, well, keep sailing, Bob" under my breath. Few people pick up on it, but I chuckle to myself over it, imagining them tied up to a mast.