Carbonational Security

Story Sent in by Robert:

Before we went out together, April and I had the now-standard conversation about vegetarianism, food allergies, and whatnot. She was a vegetarian who never drank soda. I'm a vegetarian who likes soda now and again. I'm glad we established that.

On our date, we went to a funky cafe. She ordered a lemonade. I ordered a blueberry soda. After the waitress left, April said, "Why would you order a soda? I told you I don't like soda."

I said, "I remember. You don't have to drink it. I ordered it for myself."

"But why would you order it? After everything we've been through?"

All that she and I had been through was about 10 minutes of small talk. She then said, "If I knew this place even served soda, I would've insisted on somewhere else. In fact," she stood up and gathered her things, "I'm going to find a place that doesn't have soda. You're welcome to join me."

I remained sitting where I was. She asked, "Will you not join me? Us? Together?"

I said, "I really like the soda here. It's organic."

She sat down and leaned in. She said, "We have to make plans to leave here, you and I. But before the soda gets here. Once it comes, it'll be too late. Are we together on this?"

"Uh... no."

She looked disappointed. She stood up, said, "Pity. You were my last hope," and left the place.

A few moments later, our drinks arrived. I told the waitress I could use another minute to decide on a meal. Soon after, April returned. She approached the table, then stopped short. I assume she saw the soda on the table. She gave me a hurt look, then left forever.

On the bright side, I drank down some of my soda, added some of her untouched lemonade, and made lemonade blueberry soda. And it was good. So at least I had that.

*

Ho ho ho. Who's that in my chimney?