Blend Me Your Ears

Story Sent in by Margaret:

Will took out some pot on our first date and asked if I smoked. I graciously refused. He lit up and puffed away. After a little while, he led me to a bar with a bouncer who turned us away, saying that Will stank like pot, which he did.

Will then took me a a nearby park and said, "We don't need that place. We'll start our own bar, right here. What can I get you?"

I shivered, as it was a cold night. "Someplace warm."

He said, "Here you go. Your own personal heater." He pantomimed handing me something.

I said, "Seriously, even a diner or whatever. It's freezing."

He pantomimed handing me something else. "Here's another personal heater. You're pretty needy. I'll have to start charging you after this one."

I took a few steps away and said, "I'm going to go find a cafe or something. You're welcome to join me."

He replied, "Why would you find a cafe? I have everything you need right here," and he pointed up at his invisible liquor shelves. "Coffee? Wine? Anything you want. It's our own private bar. What can I give you?"

I said, "Let's just go. Please."

He said, "I'm gonna become a multi-millionaire at my own private bar, here. You go on. I'll send you some money when you're on food stamps or whatever."

I found a Starbucks. It was warm and toasty, and I didn't miss Will at all.

After I had been in there for a little bit, I thought I'd swing by the park again, which wasn't far, just to see if he was still there, running his "business." Turns out that he was, flapping his arms and yelling at passersby to try his "signature blends." I left before he spotted me, or before he could fill me in on the ingredients of said blends.