Story Sent in by David:
I was out to eat on my first date with Chantal at a diner that put a self-serve water pitcher on the table so that we could refill our own glasses. After a little bit, I finished my water and poured myself some more. Her glass was half-full and I poured her some. She thanked me and we went right on talking over an appetizer.
Soon after she had drank more water, she took the pitcher and refilled her glass. Only she didn't stop. She kept pouring until it overflowed and then some. She just stared at it like a crazy person.
After several seconds, I said, "Chantal, what are you doing?" and I tried to grab the pitcher from her, but she pulled back and ended up drenching the entire table.
Two waiters came by with napkins and paper towels, and I helped to dab up the mess as best as I could. Chantal half-heartedly helped, but mostly acted like she was shell-shocked, as if distracted by something far off. They took the pitcher away and I prayed they wouldn't return with another one. "Accidents happen," one of the waiters reassured us, but this was no accident. I had watched her deliberately empty the entire pitcher!
Once everything was mostly dry and the waiters had left, Chantal asked me in a strange monotone, "Do you need more water?"
My glass was almost full. The last thing I wanted was for Chantal to wind up with another pitcher in her hands. I told her that I was good for the time being.
She squinted at my glass, smiled, and said, "You can fit a bit more in there," then took her own full water glass and poured its contents into mine. Once again, there was an overflow.
"Oh, come on!" I yelled, moving away from the water that flooded towards me, across the table.
"I was only trying to help!" she shouted back.
I grabbed some paper towels, mopped up the water without help, and told her that I was ready to call it a day. She rolled her eyes but otherwise didn't give me any trouble. We paid together and left together but I made for my car as soon as we exited and I never looked back.
Example #5647393 of "act like a crazy person to end the date as soon as possible".
ReplyDelete^ Agreed!
ReplyDeleteOP, was your part of the conversation right before she started this business something like:
".....so after I cleaned up all the blood and buried my mom in the back yard, I was amazed to find out just how well her cloths fit me! I mean, I had a little trouble with her garter belt and underwear but that was nothing a little duct tape couldn't fix."
Oh man ! I was going to make some "mesmerized by chaos" kinda comment but (shaking head and laughing) the two above are unbeatable. (still laughing)
ReplyDeleteSo this is what it takes to get your date wet?
ReplyDelete@ Archie -- maybe it was after she saw his ride.
ReplyDeleteThis will teach me to use my two best can't-drink-water gifs before the time was right.