Worm Your Way Out

Story Sent in by William:

I found Stacie on OKCupid. She was extremely attractive and her profile seemed sane. At dinner, she started out as bubbly and talkative and we had a good talk. I kinda liked her. But all of a sudden, in the middle of a conversation about something I can't remember, she clammed up. It was like she flipped a switch.

My first thought was that I offended her somehow. I asked her, "You okay?"

She said, "Yeah... just thinking about something."

"What are you thinking about?"

She said, "I'll tell you in a minute."

Five minutes of silence went by. The only sounds were our chewing. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I said, "What's up?"

She looked at me and asked, "Ever eaten live worms?"

I'm a vegetarian, but even if I wasn't I doubt I'd ever eat a live worm. I said, "No."

She said, "Because I know a place we can go. If you save room for after dinner, we can go there."

"...to eat live worms? No, thank you."

She looked down, as if I had really disappointed her. Then she looked up at me and asked again, "Ever eaten live worms?"

I reminded her, "We just talked about this. Remember? I said no. I don't think I'd be interested in trying them, either. I'm a vegetarian."

"So are worms," she said.

That's not really true, but I wanted to stop talking about worms. I said, "Have you ever tried the desserts here? They're all made in-house."

She asked, "Do they taste like live worms?" and she licked her lips.

I said, "I'm pretty sure the cheesecake tastes like cheesecake. But you can ask them if they have another flavor."

When the waiter asked us if we wanted dessert, Stacie indeed asked him if they had "anything that tasted like live worms." He gave me a look as if I had inadvertently brought a plague carrier into the restaurant.

I told the waiter, "Just the check, thanks."

Stacie and I split the meal and she asked me if I wanted to go with her to her "favorite dessert place." Again, she licked her lips. I shuddered and suddenly had someplace else to be. She seemed sad to hear it, but I felt worse for whatever worms she was to encounter. We didn't go out ever again.