Story Sent in by Andrew:
When I first met Susan in person, we hugged, sat down to dinner, and then discussed matters of import to us both. I talked about work and family and what I liked about the town (I had recently moved).
She shared, "I have an STD."
What a nice thing to hear. She went on, "Don't worry: I know who gave it to me and it's not like AIDS or anything. I'm going for treatment and it'll be all right."
"I'm... glad."
"It really hurts to pee, though."
"Oh. Well I hope you feel better as soon as possible."
"You ever have an STD?"
"No." It was the truth. Unless you count virginity. Which the contraction of an STD would actually cure, so to speak.
She said, "Come on. Everyone's had one."
"Nope. Sorry."
She grinned a sultry grin. "You haven't had a lot of action?"
"Not with the diseased, no."
She frowned. "I'm not diseased."
"You said you had an STD."
"Yeah. That doesn't make me diseased like some African kid."
"Of... course not."
The remainder of our dinner conversation was brief and perfunctory. We hugged each other goodnight all the same, and I went home to take a shower.
Not that I feared contraction of her STD, mind. I just like showers.
I was once dating a girl and I don't remember how we got on the topic of contraceptives but she told me "No need to use a condom with me, I can't get pregnant, I got my tubes tied." And I asked her "What about STDs?" She looked at me for a moment and asked "What's an STD?" I was baffled for a moment, I just stared back at her, and eventually said "It means we're using a condom. Every. Single. Time."
ReplyDeleteSad thing was, she wasn't some innocent sheltered little girl, she was in her 30's, married and divorced with 3 kids, was a former bikini model, and one hell of a party girl. When we were out in public guys were always slipping her their number when they thought I wasn't looking. So she was pretty hot, she just didn't know what STDs were. Somewhere, some education system has failed her greatly.
Tourist, did YOU educate her as to what an STD was and how to protect against them? Or did you just go along for the ride?
ReplyDeleteWhy on earth would you tell somebody this on a first date?
ReplyDeleteActually did you know that condoms don't protect against STDs? they only just help greater chance of not getting one.
ReplyDelete^Abstinence is the only way to be sure.
ReplyDeleteWow, breaking out the herpagonasyphilaids on the first date! That's a gutsy move Susan.
Also, we know JMG changes the names to protect the diseased but this girl's name HAD to be something like:
Tiffani
Brandi
Amber
Crystal
Please tell me I'm right Jarrrrred!
Her name was Fizziks.
ReplyDelete