Rooting it Out

Story Sent in by Sandra:

Dan worked at a catering hall (according to his online profile) but in person he told me that he was working undercover for the government.

"Corruption is everywhere," he told me over dinner at a cafe, "My job is to root it out."

"How will you do that," I asked, "working for the catering company and all?"

He said, "That's just my cover. I'll show you what I really do after dinner. If you're ready."

I was up for adventure although I had no idea what Dan had in mind. Once we left the cafe, he scurried up and down the sidewalk outside, and I was a little hard-pressed to keep up with him. "What are you doing?" I even asked.

He said, "Looking for corruption. It's everywhere but it moves fast. You can be my eyes and ears."

"What about your own eyes and ears?" I asked, playing along but seriously wondering where it was leading.

He said, "Steady. I think... there!" he jogged down the street. I hurried along behind him as quickly as I could. He stopped short at a tree alongside the road and pulled out a notepad. He said to the tree, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights?"

Never had I seen a catering guy take such a stand against an offensive tree. He then gave the tree an affectionate tap and then turned to me. "See?"

I said, "Impressive."

He nodded and said, "I can do this all night. Like I said, corruption is everywhere and the Pennsylvania government has charged me with keeping the peace."

I said, "That tree won't mess with anyone, anymore."

He nodded and said, "There's more corruption down the road." He pointed way down past where the stores and streetlights ended. "You're welcome to join me."

I said, "I'd rather stay around here. There's probably still a lot more 'corruption' in this area."

He didn't respond, but instead made a hand motion as if he was holstering a gun, then saluted me and jogged down the dark road. I silently wished him well on his lawful quest, returned to my car, and drove back to the nest of corruption that is my apartment.