The Walking Fled

(Your first draft's done. Where to from there? Click here to learn eight story fixes on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Hector:

On our first date, Rose and I were at a local fair and after walking around for a while, we decided it was time for lunch. There was a great cafe about a mile walk, across a park field and down a couple of roads. When I asked her if she wanted to go, she said she did.

As I started leading us toward the place, she asked, "What are you doing?"

I said, "I'm walking us to lunch."

"Walking?" she asked, "No. I don't do walking. Our cars are right here. We're driving."

I said, "It's only about a mile. It's a beautiful day out. You seriously don't want to walk?"

"Want to see what happens when I walk?" she asked, She took a few steps, then her hand went to her forehead and she collapsed into the grass, as if she had fainted. Never mind that we had spent the past hour and a half walking around the fair. The idea of walking to lunch was evidently too much for her to handle.

As she was sprawled on the ground, I told her, "Fine. Let's drive." But she didn't budge. I crouched down and shook her gently. "Come on. You win. We'll drive over."

She still didn't move. I tickled her and then she moved. "Come on," I said again, "Let's go."

She wobbled to her feet dramatically, took a couple of steps, then her hand went to her forehead and she fell down again. Once more, I roused her with a tickle and once more she took a couple halting steps toward the parking area before falling down a third time.

This last time, I kept going back toward my car. I figured she'd pick up the hint and follow behind me. Only she didn't. She lay there as I returned to my car and turned it on. She lay there as I drove to the cafe for lunch. For all I know, she might have lain there as I arrived at the cafe and treated myself to lunch.

For all I know, she still lies there as a warning to overdramatic numbskulls.