Forrest Gump Was Right

Story Sent in by John:

I was waiting in front of a mall to meet Brenda for the first time. Our plan was to walk to a nearby restaurant, have dinner, then go to a laser show at a planetarium.

She was a few minutes late and when she arrived, she came bearing a box of chocolates.

"Aww, you shouldn't have," I joked.

She said, "It's not for you. I just picked it up so that when I go home after this and see my roommates, I can tell them you brought me the gift of chocolate."

"So you'll be bringing them the gift of lies." I said.

She asked, "Were you going to bring me chocolate?"

"I–"

"Of course not. Because you're not a guy who brings a woman chocolate."

I countered, "Not on a first date."

"Shut up," she said, "Let's do the perfunctory dinner and finish this like adults."

Taken aback, I said, "Better idea: you go tell your roommates I took you out for an expensive dinner and we cut out the middle man. Goodnight."

I left her standing there. She said, "Hey!" a few times as if that was enough to convince me to stick around. When I was a block away, I heard her shout, "What am I supposed to do for the next two hours, asshoIe?"

Not my problem, and no longer my date.