Fartmouth

Story Sent in by Alison:

I had been out with David a few times and we were finally ready for our first night in. To me, that meant the likelihood of some bedroom fun. Sure enough, we finished dinner and meant to play some video games right afterward... only we never made it to video games. Kissing began and clothes came off right on my couch.

When we were both half-dressed, he broke away from me but didn't say anything, prompting me to say, "Everything all right?"

He said, "Yeah. I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Before we do it."

Take a breath mint? Take a shower? Call him by a special nickname? Strap something on? I was ready for just about anything, and I had heard almost all of it before.

Almost.

"What's that?" I asked him.

"Fart in my mouth."

I blasted into laughter. He had to be joking. But no. He was dead serious.

Barely holding it together, I asked him, "Why would you like me to do that?"

He said, "Because it's really sexy."

It was a strange request, yeah... but I didn't end up turning him down, mostly because it seemed harmless. Once we were naked, I did as he asked. I was expecting him to be just turned on a bit more, but I wasn't expecting–

"Yes!" he squealed, "Yes, om nom nom nom nom! More! Feed me again!"

"Are you serious?" I had to ask.

"Again! Please!" he demanded. So I squeezed out another one. And he went wild. "Umm! So tasty! Yeah! Yeah!"

I was glad it turned him on so much, but it was having the opposite effect on me. I requested that he return back up to me so that we could do things a bit more proper, which we did. We stopped dating for unrelated events that occurred later.

This wasn't a story that I ever intended to make public (and I haven't used my real name), but my girlfriends convinced me that it was too good to waste.