Toilet Humor

Story Sent in by Barbara:

Robert picked me up at my apartment for our date and asked if he could use my bathroom. After around 15 minutes, he was done and we went off together to have a jolly old time.

Upon returning home to my bathroom, it smelled like someone had fought a colossal air-freshener battle against a shitbeast and lost. We had been out for hours! Yet it still smelled bad enough for me to keep the bathroom window open on that subzero night. Also noted was that a can of air freshener was, in fact, in the trash.

Our second date was a couple of weeks later and I had him over at my place to cook him some of my award-winning (truth) seafood soup. Inevitably, he had to use my restroom and was gone for quite a while. When he came back smelling like he had sprayed my tub full of air freshener and then rolled around in it, I asked him, "What the hell happened?"

He replied, "Nothing. Do you have any ammonia?"

"I don't think so. What happened in my bathroom?"

He sat down and said, "Nothing at all."

I didn't believe him, so I went in, myself. The smell of air freshener mixed with toilet-doings could've blasted a statue off its pedestal. And again! What the hell? Another entire can of freshener in my trash? I opened the window and hurried out.

I told Robert, "Would you mind buying me another can or two of air freshener?"

"Why?"

"It's just that every time you use my bathroom, I seem to lose a can."

He shrugged. "It's not my fault you use crappy air freshener. If it takes a can for me to help your place smell nice, then so be it."

Ugh. I rushed him through the soup. Once he was done he asked me if he could use my bathroom again. I asked him as politely as possible if he could give my toilet a break and use a facility on his way home.

"I wasn't planning on going home just yet," he told me.

"Well I have to be up early tomorrow to drive my little brother to an appointment," which was partially true - the appointment was in the mid-afternoon.

Robert left, and a few days later my bathroom smelled its normal self. Robert may have been a nice-enough guy, but the idea of being with a nice-enough guy who went through an entire can to make a bathroom smell halfway decent just rubbed me the wrong way.