That's Not How Anything Works

Story Sent in by Jerome:

While we were on a date, browsing at a local greenhouse, Elizabeth told me that she had twice been pregnant. She then asked me if I had ever impregnated anyone. I hadn't, and I told her so.

She said, "That's an elaborate fiction guys tell themselves. Condoms fail over 50% of the time. I know because over 50% of the time I've used them, I've gotten pregnant. Or a disease scare. Or something. You probably have kids out there you don't even know about."

I said, "If I had kids, I think the mothers would've been in touch with me to demand child support."

Her response to that was to shake her head, laugh, and inspect the nearby rhododendrons. "Or they just aborted them without telling you. You could probably turn around and sue them for murder."

"Sue them for murder?"

"Yeah. I have a girlfriend who did that. It's still pending."

Having any kind of physical contact with Elizabeth was fast becoming less appealing. As such, that was our only date.