Story Sent in by Trin:
My date with Alex actually went well. So well in fact that when we sat down pond-side after dinner and he went for a kiss, I was all too happy to enjoy one with him.
After several moments of bliss, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I know this'll sound weird, but I feel like I've known you for a long time."
He wasn't too far off. After all, we had spoken online for five weeks before meeting in person. It was a little strange to have just met him for the first time and yet know a lot about him.
"I know what you mean," I agreed.
He said, "It's like I've slept with you a dozen times, already."
Cue record player screech. Then he said, "Which we can totally do whenever you want. But preferably soon. I've been abstaining all week, if you know what I mean."
I said as gently as possible, "You might be looking at abstaining for a little while longer."
He replied, "Oh, great. I should've guessed you were one of those nun-girls."
"Nun-girls?"
"Yeah," he said, then stood up and brushed himself off. "Ready to go?"
I was. He walked me back to my car and didn't try anything, but he did say, "Maybe being less selfish will help you in the future."
"I could say the same," I retorted, but he was already off, doubtless headed home for a long night of breaking his abstention over and over and over again.
He went home to put the 'stain' into abstain... badum-TISH seewhatIdidthere?
ReplyDeleteI may have dated a nun or two but never got into the habit.
ReplyDeleteWhich we can totally do whenever you want. But preferably soon.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely no pressure. I mean, I already unzipped my fly and my penis is just sitting out here, so it'll be pretty awkward if you don't blow me (and to be frank, it's more than a little selfish of you) but look, we are totally on your timetable. What can I say - I try to be a reasonable guy who's sensitive to a woman's needs!
I actually like a man to be insertive.
ReplyDeleteGood one tourist. This is one if my least favorite jackasses. The onrs who use guilt as a tactic to get a woman into bed. What a total loser. And wolf I love your word picture. All of yall are funny.
ReplyDeleteWell it's not gonna suck itself...
ReplyDeleteI have meant a few men who think this way. Some of them don't wait for the date to do this. As soon as you agree to see them the conversations take a turn that are nothing but a fishing expedition to see if they will get lucky on the first date. Depending on how bold they are about it I either never reply back or tell them it won't work out. If they ask why I tell them the truth. Your more interested in getting laid that getting to know me or give me time to know you. I am not interested in the drama that will bring to my life. I had one man tell me well its not gold. My response was to tell him well it's not Halloween candy either. Your not qualified for the position with that attitude so its time to end this conversation and I hung up.
ReplyDelete