A Better Place

Story Sent in by Scott:

My date with Ada went pretty great. She was fun to talk to, although whenever she spoke, she spent half of the time making eye contact with me and the other half painstakingly straightening her silverware. By the end of lunch, she had the straightest silverware in the city.

She had plans later that afternoon so the date ended. That night, she called me up and told me, "Congratulations."

I asked, "What did I win?"

She said, "You came in number one, today. I went on two other dates and you were the best. Congrats!"

Deciding to take it as a compliment, I thanked her. She asked me if I wanted to go out on a second date and I said yes.

Our next time out, we went on a walk and I joked with her, "Am I in competition with anyone else, today?"

She laughed it off and said, "No. You're the only one, today."

But imagine my surprise when she called that night and said, "You came in second today. Out of two. That's last place."

I said, "Oh. I thought you said that I was the only one you were seeing, today."

She replied, "I didn't want to tell you anything that would've changed the way you behaved. In any event, you'll have to step it up a little for next time."

Not intending to ask her out again, I pretended to be interested and asked, "Can you tell me how I can improve my ranking?"

She said, "No, but you can try to be a better listener. I mean, you came in a close second. Not bad at all. But still, last place for today."

I graciously accepted my second-place award and didn't call her again. Not even after she called me up after a few days to inform me that I had "slipped to fourth."