Reality Bites

(Flaws are spectacular. Find out why at my writer's column - Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Maria:

Over email, Shaun complimented a black outfit I wore in one of my profile pictures and asked me if I was a "biter." I'm not sure why he connected what I wore to biting, but I told him that I didn't typically bite people. It stopped being a conversation topic until we met in person.

At dinner, he seemed surprised and upset that I wasn't wearing the black outfit from my profile photo. I was in what I considered to be standard date-wear. He then shifted the subject to, "So how many people have you bit?"

"Uh... none. Do you think I'm some kind of vampire or something?"

He asked, "Aren't you?"

Nothing, nothing in my profile said anything about biting or vampirism. He was jumping to some weird conclusion just because I happened to be wearing a black outfit in one of my photos. So I said, "No. Not even remotely."

He asked, "Do you like incisors?" and he bared his crooked teeth for me to see.

I told him, "They're very good."

He asked, "Do you live in a Gothic castle?"

"I'm not Goth," I told him, "That outfit in my profile was just an outfit. Nothing more."

"Which blood type tastes the best? Is it AB? It's AB, isn't it? Super-rare." he asked, a little too hopefully.

I gave him a look which said, "I'm not playing this game." He said, "Seriously? I'm trying to recruit you into the brotherhood, here. And you're turning me down?"

"Brotherhood? What are you talking about?"

He said, "Never mind," and shut his mouth for the rest of the date.

Well, up until it was time to leave. He leaned in close to me and asked, "Maybe a goodnight bite?"

"Ugh. No," I said, stepping away.

He shrugged. "Well, I tried. Can I bite you next date?"

I said, "If there's a next date, you can absolutely bite me."

Oddly, I didn't respond to his requests for another date.