Rules of Disengagement

Story Sent in by Lucille:

Alan told me, on our way to dinner, that only one of us was allowed to eat dinner that night. I asked him why and he said that those were simply the rules.

I thought he was kidding or making a reference to something I didn't know. Sure enough though, when we sat down he told me that only one of us was allowed to eat and drink. Playing along I asked him which one of us would be the lucky one. He said that it would probably be him.

When the server came to our table he ordered a glass of wine and I did as well. He made as if to interrupt my ordering but then kept his mouth shut. After the server left Alan glared at me and asked me what I was thinking.

He seemed dead serious and I told him that I was going to eat and drink whether he wanted me to or not.

When the server returned later on to ask us what we wanted to eat, Alan said "Hey!" when I ordered my dinner. The server gave him a look and again Alan shut his mouth.

After sitting in silence for a while before our food arrived Alan told me that he didn't think it would work out between us. I asked him if it was because I broke his stupid food rules and he said it was. He also warned me not to call his food rules stupid.

Whatever. They were stupid. We finished dinner and split the check. He told me that he'd normally have forced me to pay for the entire thing because I inflicted "wanton emotional distress" upon him.

That was our only date. I can only hope that someone, sometime, inflicts a wanton butt-kicking on him.