Ouch

Story Sent in by Steven:

My profile has six all-recent photos of myself. Enter Melissa. She wrote to me first, which was a rarity. We hit it off over the dating site.

On our first date, from the instant she saw me, it seemed something was wrong. She looked disappointed from the very beginning, and I asked her what was wrong. She said, "Nothing," but something clearly was. Swear to God, I look exactly the same as my profile pictures, which she must have seen on my profile.

Before our food arrived at dinner, I tried to have a conversation with her but she really didn't seem all that interested. I asked her again, "Something seems very wrong. Can you tell me what it is? I promise I won't be upset."

She said, "You kinda look like E.T."

I wasn't expecting that, and I said, "Didn't you see my profile photos? They were, you know, on my profile."

"Yeah... I... I dunno. I was just kinda hoping that you looked less like E.T. in person. But you don't."

I could've been insulted and upset (which, to be fair, I kind of was) but instead I decided to try and make light of the situation. Literally. Kind of. Remember that part of E.T. when his fingertip lights up? I held up my finger and brought it slowly across the table toward her. I said in my best E.T. voice, "E.T. phone home..."

"Stop it," she said, not amused.

I kept going. "Elliott... phone home... phooooonne... hooooommmme..."

She squeezed her eyes shut and cupped her hands over her ears. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" she nearly screamed.

I stopped it. She recovered nicely and went right back to essentially ignoring me.

Not content to have that, I put up my finger again and said, "Elliott..."

"That does it," she said, then stood up and actually left me there.

Ouch.