Story Sent in by Nicholas:
I grow roses. Sometimes these roses wind up in contests. It's a hobby that my family's been involved in for years. So there's that.
I originally planned to meet Kristen at a tennis center, as we both played. But pretty last minute, she offered to pick me up at my house.
When she rang my front doorbell, I opened the door to find her standing at the threshold with a bouquet of... roses. Well, that was nice. Wait a minute. Those roses looked familiar...
I asked, "Are these... my roses? As in, did you pick them from my yard, just now?"
"No!" she said. But I looked at the closest rosebush and found that the roses she held were, in fact, freshly picked from my shrub.
I told her, "These are show roses. I grow them professionally. They're not supposed to be picked!"
She said, "Then take your stupid roses!" and threw them down on the stoop. She left me there, dateless and down six roses. I've since relocated most of the bushes to the backyard.
Way to nip this date in the bud, OP. Don't you know that nothin' says lovin' like stealing something from your date's yard and then presenting it as a gift? You ruined it all it with your stupid recognition skills!
ReplyDelete"Before I started taking souls, I took JMG's kissginity"
ReplyDeleteFrankly,
Chunky Horse
Wow OP, that was a thorny encounter. Guess she just wasn't hip to the rose growing hobby. She probably didn't know too mulch about it. Glad you didn't cultivate a relationship and propagate with this one.
ReplyDeleteOh Devil, I scoop up things from my "date's" yards all the time and present it as a present to them! It's best if the gift is still fresh and steaming but mostly solid. The look on their faces!
ReplyDeleteDeflowered before the doorbell rang, now that's a date!
ReplyDeleteI tried installing a garage door on my cervix for just this sorta action. It didn't seem convincing on it's own, so I added a light. All I had was a bug zapper, tho, and while no-one's taken the bait yet, things have gotten more cumfortable as I lurk.
Steve,
ReplyDeleteYour mother took my heart. And soul. And kissginity.
Frankly,
JMG
Oh GOD! Chunky Horse is Steve's MOTHER!? Now it all makes sense!
ReplyDeleteJust remember kiddos, with enough patience, mace, and roofies, kissginity CAN be cured!
ReplyDeleteGuys growing roses is pretty gay. Girls planting two-lips is not.
ReplyDeleteop, you didn't know she was the daughter of one your rose show rivals! and decided to take revenge on your roses! to make sure you couldn't enter it this year.
ReplyDeleteMen who grow roses have small pricks.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin...
Zombie, I think men who grow roses have rather large pricks because they don't have to do a lot to prove their manliness and instead can concentrate on their softer side. Although there are those thorns to deal with. Every rose has it's thorn, you know. Also, if you weren't aware, every cowboy sings a sad sad song. I'm rambling...
ReplyDeleteI need more info. Did she know IN ADVANCE that these were prize show roses? If they were prize show roses, why were they in the front yard for anyone the snatch in the first place? If she didn't know, the gesture might have been cute... I'd think it was cute if someone gave be a bouquet from my garden... then again, I wouldn't invite a stranger to my house in the first place. I'd love to hear her side of this...
ReplyDelete