I tried a few times to schedule a date with online Alice. We alternately seemed to have packed schedules and it took us a little over a month to set a date to go out. A Thursday.
"Is that the only day you're free?" she asked me.
"Yeah. What's wrong with Thursday? You busy again?"
"No, no, no. It's... fine."
I took her word for it. When we met up in public that Thursday she was in a really nasty mood. Like everything I said was stupid and everything I asked her was a major chore to answer. She had never been like that before, throughout our phone calls and messages.
She explained, "It's Thursday. My angry day. I take one day a week to be furious at everything. That's usually my Thursdays. I warned you, but you had to insist on today. So it's your fault."
"But you've never been like this on any other Thursday."
"Oh, so now you're keeping tabs on me? Go directly to hell!"
She stormed away from me, and I stayed where I was. She spun and asked, "You're not even going to chase me? Some man you are."
"But you told me to go directly to hell. Chasing you seems like a really fast way to get there."
Ooh boy, she didn't like that. She bared her hands like cat claws and chased me down the sidewalk, across a street, down another sidewalk, through a parking lot, and down an alley until I finally lost her in an underground parking garage. Clearly, I was not born to face Alice's angry day.
While the mental image of a (presumed) grown ass man being chased in the streets by a (presumed) grown ass woman who is acting like a deranged cat is amusing, this trend of women attempting to assault or even assaulting men who haven't hit them because they're slightly annoyed is a load of horseshit. I'll bet $20 Alice wouldn't pull this stunt on another woman whether it was Thursday or not.
ReplyDeleteAs a classy, non violent lady, I believe twat waffles like Alice deserve a punch to the chops. Not a full on ass beating mind you, just a well placed punch to the throat that will make her gasp for 30 seconds and get her mind right. This probably won't be a popular opinion but this is Wednesday which is my "Tell It Like It Is/Bitches With Violent Tendencies Make Me Puke" day.
Devil, you are awesome! OP, I thought you were awesome until you started running away from a crazy lady. Then you were less awesome. But maybe I'm just having a judgmental day.
ReplyDeleteIf it takes me over a month to arrange to meet someone, that's a red flag right there... you're on a dating site, and you can't possibly meet at a coffee shop for 40 minutes at ANY time in the next month?
ReplyDeleteA REAL woman knows how to budget and prioritize her time!
As for Alice, she TRIED to warn OP that Thursday was the heart of PMS time, but he didn't take the hint, and thus felt the wrath...
Tanette, I'm still with OP. Even if you are just defending yourself against some bat shit crazy woman, physical harm against a woman from a man is automatically assumed to be assault. If there were no witnesses and she decided to press charges, I could almost guarantee she would win.
ReplyDeleteEquality, huh?
Nah, I agree with you tanette. OP was just trying to make a coffee date and this lady went all crazy on him. But then you ran away OP? For blocks? Don't run away like a little bitch. Try screaming BACK THE FUCK UP in her face then calmly walking away. Or whip out your cell phone and film the whole thing so we have something entertaining to watch/police evidence of a woman attacking you. Win-win lol.
ReplyDelete@ SmallCityGirl - I'm with you. A nice loud "BACK THE FUCK UP" would have gotten the job done. Is it wrong that I imagine the OP giggling like a little girl as he scampered away from his date?
ReplyDelete@Steve-Not necessarily. Where I work, during certain times of the year, some units are so busy that some employees work 6-7 days a week for up to a month and are lucky to get a lunch break. I've seen some time sheets where an employee worked from 8a to 10p or later for several weeks at at time.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Steve. People can get busy but if you really want to meet someone, you'll make it happen even if it's for a short coffee date. Someone who can't find the time to meet up shouldn't be wasting someone else's.
ReplyDeleteAnd the PMS excuse? Utter bullshit. I have PMS and I don't chase dudes down the street. I bawl at those ASPCA commercials, eat double cheeseburgers and try in vain to squeeze my bloated ass into my regular pants but I never get violent. Only assholes use that as an excuse.
@ Tammy - I understand that there are a lot of workaholic people out there... I just screen those out, because keeping Steve spoiled and happy is a full-time job itself! ;-)
ReplyDelete@ Devil - I refuse to believe classy lady lawyers with perfect relationships get PMS. It just does not happen. Nor do they take big dumps or blow huge farts. INCONCEIVABLE!
ReplyDeleteI like to start each and every date with a short sharp karate chop to the throat. While they are on the ground gasping for breath I can then lick their tasty face and bring them up to speed on my favorite subject, me.
ReplyDelete@ Try - No need for theatrics!
ReplyDelete@Steve - I bet your face is delicious.
ReplyDeleteSteve's face is delicious. I'll bet yours is even more delicious, TryN2Makeanicknamework.
ReplyDeleteDevilYouKnow, totally agree. Assault is assault and self defence is self defence, no matter the gender.
ReplyDelete@Steve-they aren't workaholics, it's required of their job. It's not all the time, only certain times of the year.
ReplyDelete