It was early summer and I took Melissa to a seasonal barbecue place that was set up with outdoor picnic tables. It might've been a messy place (food-wise) to bring someone for a first date, but we both liked barbecue and had a funny conversation ahead of time in which we forgave each other in advance for making a mess. It was going to be fun.
It started out great. We ordered and they gave us our plates. They also directed us toward a condiment stand with plastic utensils. I grabbed us both forks and knives and then we sat.
It was when I handed her her fork and knife that things went downhill. She gave me a look and said, "I don't use forks or knives. Who decided that the same utensils would be right for everybody?"
I said, "The person who realized that everybody likes eating with forks and knives?"
"Liar! Not everyone does! I don't! I use my own!"
She was pretty passionate about it, and I tried to keep things grounded. I asked her, "What kind do you use?"
She gave me another look, this one as if she wasn't sure if I was being serious or poking fun at her. She said, "It's like a spoon, but deeper, and with a few slats at the bottom."
I asked, "Did you bring one of those spoons with you?"
That upset her greatly. "It's not a spoon! I said it was like a spoon! Why does everybody have to put labels on everything?"
I chose to be quiet after that and focused on my lunch. It was good but messy, and I eventually switched from hands to utensils. She watched me for a little bit, then wiped her mouth with a napkin, stood up, took her plate, said, "Clearly you don't listen," and left me there to finish by myself.
When I was done I returned to the parking lot to find her waiting there with her arms folded. "What is your problem?" she asked me.
"I'm not the one who just made a scene," I reminded her, then continued on to my car.
"We're not talking about me. You're the rude one. What is your problem?" She watched me enter my car and drive off. All she had to do to see the problem was to look in any mirror.
So Melissa lost her mind because the OP didn't give up traditional silverware for her "it"s like a spoon but don't call it a spoon!"? Makes sense - the first date is when you start molding the person you kinda like into the one you truly want.
ReplyDeleteThis story reminds me of when I first began my perfect relationship with my fiancé, Art Vandelay. He used to have pesky preferences and silly independent thoughts just like our OP here but I put the brakes on that. Art used to like using toilet paper to wipe his bum after we took a number four together but I insisted that he give it up. TP is very blue collar so he must only use a bidet . That's what all us professional lady and male lawyers use because we have college degrees and love a blast of cold water up our bums. Very cleansing!
P.S. - Barbecue is very blue collar.
I get the impression that the OP actually did say a lot of rude stuff which has been conveniently cut from this account leaving the date sounding way crazier than she is. The level of continuity fail is just too great here.
ReplyDeleteThis girl must be the cousin of the girl that requested her date not eat his sandwich with his hands.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2010/03/sand-witch.html
I don't know why his date was so upset, he did ask her if she brought one of those utensils with her. And she got pissed off for no reason. she said it herself it like a spoon but not.
ReplyDeleteHer utensil sounds a little like a spork.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I was thinking Ashley.
ReplyDeleteBlue blue! "she said it herself it like a spoon but not.". IT'S NOT A SPOON AND IT'S NOT A VEGETABLE!
Shoe! I know it not a vegetable did I say it was?
ReplyDeleteWhy is everything a love blue collar?!?!
ReplyDeleteAnd why do people obsess over stupid shit like if something has a label. How would be know what's what in a conversation if things didn't have labels. It's life! Get over yourself lady.
ReplyDeleteThis whole episode would not have happened of OP had actually read the date contract and memorized the script.
ReplyDeleteI pictured a spork too but heaven forbid we put a name to this forkspoonutensil, or anything else for that matter.
ReplyDelete"What's your problem?!"
"I don't have a problem! It's LIKE a problem, only deeper and with slats at the bottom. Why does everything have to have a label?!"
@ SmallCityGirl - LOL For the win!
ReplyDeleteAlso, a note to the OP.
@blue blue You did not. Did I say that you said it was a vegetable?
ReplyDelete