I was out on a first date with Ron when we walked by a park fountain and he said, "Let me see your keys. You can tell a lot about a person through their keys."
Hesitant but intrigued, I handed him my keys. He looked them over and said, "According to these, you're—"
He threw my keys into the fountain and looked at me with a smile. I shouted and told him to recover them. He said, "Make a wish!" I guess as if he had thrown a penny into the fountain.
I said, "You'll wish you got my keys. Get them back before I throw you in, weirdo."
"Never!" he said then booked it through the park and away from me. I had to hike up my dress and recover the keys, myself.
He sent me an email afterward to say that he had a good time with me (our date was all of 20 minutes total) and asked what I had wished for.
I didn't want to write him back, but I did: "To never see you again. Wish granted!"
My cat threw my keys into a fountain once, but retrieved them for me. And by "threw" I mean ate, and by "keys", I mean my favorite Smug Lady Lawyer action figure, and by "retrieved", I mean left for me in a steaming pile in her litter box. I'm so lucky to have found her!!!!11!!1!
ReplyDeleteMy perfect boyfriend, the illustrious architect and marine biologist Art Vandelay, once designed a fountain. He proposed to me last night in front of it. It was a perfect proposal with fireworks because the entire nation was celebrating our perfect love!
ReplyDeleteNow all my friends here get to hear about my wedding plans! I know you're all so happy for me and can't wait to hear all the details of my perfect upcoming wedding.
@ Devil - Will my cat and I be on the guest list? (Breathlessly waiting for a reply while doing a #3)
ReplyDeleteOp, I am glad you got your keys back even though you had to get them yourself. At least you avoid an overgrown man child.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me glad my keys are on a chain attached to my jeans most of the time.
ReplyDeleteWeddings! I love weddings! Drinks all around! Congratulations Art and Devil! Team Artvil! OP I am also delighted you got your keys back. Though my imagination ran wild and I thought he was gonna steal your car. He didn't, so that's good.
ReplyDeleteAre there any dates where, when the OP goes along with potential douchery, something Good happens instead - either a beautiful act disguised as a joke, or a real-time karmic bitchslap against the offender?
ReplyDelete