Story Sent in by Nicole:
My date with Kieran was at a cafe. We were seated with our drinks and had a lively conversation. Then he stood up and said, "I'll be right back. I have to do a number three."
With no further explanation, he left for the bathroom. He was gone for a long time, prompting me to visit the door to the one-person bathroom and knock.
"Number three! Number three!" Kieran screamed from within. I backed away and returned to our table.
He was another long while in coming back, and when he did, all of his clothes were wrinkled and... wet? I asked him, "What happened?"
He looked around like he was scared of something and said, "A number three happened."
"What's a number three?"
"Everything that can come out of a body comes out. I don't want to gross you out."
The conversation essentially died after that, and thus followed the date and any further interest on my part.
Clearly Nicole is not a keeper. As for that show off Kieran, pics or number three didn't happen.
ReplyDeleteAs a successful lady attorney who tries many real life cases, has a loving boyfriend and only comes here so I can appreciate said loving boyfriend more, I must object. Everyone, even non-degree holding individuals, know that a #3 is a pee and a poop. A #4 is a poop while holding someone else's hand (me and Loving Boyfriend do this frequently because he's a-mazing and even loves to smell my lawyer poop). A #5 is pee, poop, vomit and a snotty nose.
ReplyDeleteI believe the defendant in this case had what you laymen call "the dirty squirts". That's when you feel like "everything" in your body is escaping because your tummy is bubbling and your booty is hot but you really just shit your pants. We studied this phenomena in law school - Shitty Booty Vs The State of Texas. I don't think I have to tell anyone who won that landmark case.
@ DevilYouKnow - I'm glad you brought up Shitty V. Texas. I believe the offending party in that case was the Chili Cheese Frito Pie. To my knowledge, no self respecting restaurant would ever serve such a delicious abomination. Thus we must throw this case out as a precedent. Boom, you've been lawyered.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm a big fan of the #4. It helps me relax :-)
#3 = Urination, defecation, and masturbation.
ReplyDeleteNot unlike the #3 down at the Chinese restaurant...
@ Steve - Damn you for making me snort/laugh!
ReplyDeleteMy new Friday night: Sitting in a 1 person bathroom at a public restaurant. Everytime somebody knocks, frantically yell "NUMBER THREE! NUMBER THREE!"
ReplyDelete@Steve - your idea of #3 reminds me a certain dating story, I believe originated on body-building web-site, which was illustrated with MS-Paint drawings.
ReplyDeleteHis clothes were wrinkled and wet?
ReplyDeleteWhen you ask your date what they do for a living and they say "I investigate missing pets" just walk.
I too was wondering why they were wrinkled and wet. Also, Try, I don't want to see pictures of that! all y'all be so funny right dar. Idk I'm tired. Also, hi Shoe, how's it going?
ReplyDeleteAs a lady managing partner of an international law firm when I'm entertaining the chairmen of our larger global clients I like to really impress them by ordering a Steve #3 and a Devil #4, you know really get to know each other. Being responsible corporate citizens there are, of course, occupational health & safety concerns so all poops over 1.2kg (2.65lb) must be lowered by hand. Safety first people, safety first.
ReplyDelete@ Tourist for Life. Might I say, sir, you have awesome hair. *LONGHAIR FOR LIFE!*
ReplyDelete