Story Sent in by Jon:
At dinner, Kelly asked me who my favorite Peanuts character was. I told her Snoopy. She took out her phone, called someone up, and said, "Hey, Elaine? Oh my God, I'm like, out on a date with a guy whose favorite Peanuts character is Snoopy. Okay, later." She hung up.
I asked Kelly why that was weird. Instead of answering, she beckoned a waitress over, pointed at me, and said, "His favorite character is Snoopy."
"He's my favorite, too," the waitress said diplomatically, then asked us if we needed anything. I told her we didn't, and she continued on her way.
Kelly looked at me incredulously. "Is the whole world going crazy?" she asked, "Snoopy? Really?"
"What's wrong with Snoopy?" I asked.
"He's a dog. I prefer people, every time."
"Even Lucy? She's self-centered, abusive, and nasty."
Kelly said, "You're telling me that if there was a big flood and you could only save Snoopy or Lucy, you'd save Snoopy?"
"Absolutely."
"You're an idiot," she decided, "and I can't really get over that."
Way to end an otherwise pleasant date, Kelly. If she was that hung up about fictional comic characters, then I couldn't really see how she'd deal rationally with real-life difficulties.
I prefer people every time as well but only if they're somewhat crudely drawn people who are unfunny and have stink lines and clouds of dust floating around them. All the rest can drown in another Big Flood because I ain't savin' those bitches. No room on the Ark for you, three dimensional people!
ReplyDeleteI'd save my cat before I'd save KatieGirl, does that make me a bad person?
ReplyDeleteThe problem with saving KatieGirl is that she'll want to also bring along her perfect boyfriend, because she is just SO lucky to have found him, and also a laptop to troll the dating sites for regular ego boosts. And there just ain't enough room on the lifeboat for that...
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to ask that "The Architect" and "Steve" (if those in fact are your real names) cease and desist from writing such libelous statements about my fellow lady lawyer, KatieGirl. Her very real and not at all made up boyfriend who totally exists, George Glass, also requests that the plaintiffs cease and desist from such statements. You will save them if a mythological flood takes place! The world will be in desperate need of a perfect couple if human kind is wiped out and all you fartknockers need to be reminded how pathetic your jobs and relationships are.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't even think about making libelous statements about me and my perfect boyfriend, Art Vandelay. Now, I bid you non-professional scabs adieu as I have a difficult legal case to attend to.
If I were you, OP, I'd have broken out the "No Dogs Allowed" song to her face. Hope for her sake "The Psychologist is IN."
ReplyDelete....aaaand once again I am forced to realize: you know what's not funny? Peanuts.
@ DevilYouKnow - I'll have you know that while I am an architect, I also moonlight as a lawyer (see: Night Court). I've met this George Glass and in fact, represented him last week when he was brought up on charges of not appreciating his girlfriend enough. It was a hard fought battle, as the plaintiff was a lawyer/law student herself, but we won the case. The judge also ruled that the plaintiff had to constantly state in public forums "how lucky she was to have found him!!!!11!!1!!" with a minimum of eight exclamation marks and a maximum of three ones.
ReplyDeleteAlso:
ReplyDeleteWhat about Woodstock?
I've decided to change my physical appearance so I have a better chance of getting on the Ark when that mythological flood comes. I was aiming for that wonderful hybrid creature the Griffin. Let me know what you think as I'm teaming up with The Architects cat and challenging KatieGirl and George Glass for most perfect couple not drowned by God.
ReplyDeleteFizziks, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm off to buy four gumboots and some safety goggles immediately. Let's all embrace the power of masturbation and spank this flood into existence.
ReplyDeletedude she is weird!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLong time reader and occasional commenter here...this whole KatieGirl thing has prompted me to comment once again. *yay* Oh yeah and my lack of a life too.
ReplyDeleteI am sick and tired of hearing about Katie Glass y'all. I want attention. By the by I seduced Art Vandalay last week. Fun times. Muhahahaha.
ReplyDeleteI heard Howie seduced Katie Glass. It's fair to say that Glass was half full that night.
ReplyDelete