Story Sent in by John:
All of Doreen's profile photos were of her from the waist up. When we met in person I discovered that her hips, thighs, and butt were gigantic and totally out of proportion with the rest of her body. If ever she sat on my head she'd crush it like an egg. Anyway we sat down to dinner and we talked about our pasts, including high school.
She told me, "My group of friends made up superhero names for each other. I was buttgirl."
"What was your super power?"
She said, "The ability to do anything with my butt."
I said, "Your parents must be proud."
She laughed. "They probably don't know half the stuff I did in high school. With and without my butt."
Because I sincerely wanted clarification, I asked her, "How did you do anything without your butt?"
She stopped laughing, said, "Okay, date's over!" then wobbled up and waddled out.
"Wait. Don't go," I said halfheartedly, but I ultimately let her go. She struck me as hypersensitive and not worth it.
Well his first thought was the possible results of her sitting on his face. It went downhill from there
ReplyDeleteThe technical term for a lady - or man - of such proportions is an 'iceberg'.
ReplyDeleteOP I am trying to figure out if you are just a douchebag or a combo of a jackass and a douchebaqg known as a jackadouche in some circles. And Joshua I imagine if she sat on his face they would probably be involved in some 69 action. Some people love big asses. I understand that there was some miseepresentation in her pictures and she should have more full body shots as to attract the lovers of big asses but OP you didn't have to be an ass about it.
ReplyDeleteTanette, you've said several times that you don't think you're as clever or as funny as some of the other regulars on here. I beg to differ. The term jackadouche is a freaking GEM and it's now one of my favorite words.
DeleteDid he write the bad date story on behalf of her? Then good job op! You did a perfect job of being a bad date.
ReplyDeleteThe picture I get from this is Bubblebass from Spongebob and his big butt. Some guys though love a girl with a thick butt. Nothing wrong with that, but I do think the OP was within his right to ask about her butt since she brought it up.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm sorry I thought he said "with" her but, not "without." I understand she misrepresented herself, but be an adult and just end the date without any further commitments.
ReplyDeleteI would ask her for a reBUTTal, but she would probably get mad
ReplyDeleteI think he's a douche or jackadouche because he was fake for one and for two he thinks he is the victim. And on that note I would like to thank y'all for always telling it like it is.
ReplyDelete"I was butt girl" "The ability to do anything with my butt." Two seriously strong openers on a first date.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure OP posted a picture on his profile of the back of his head so she could see the giant bald spot and the poorly concealed comb-over. Not to mention his gorilla hair back and his freakin' hammer toe. Yeah, OP is a total douche.
ReplyDeleteOMG this girl was soooo hypersensitive for being able to mention and laugh about a feature I considered unsightly! I mean, I could not have been more 'sincere' about asking for clarification about what was clearly a joke about blowjobs or handjobs to anyone that has a frontal lobe, which I don't. My inability to make an inference is clearly Doreen's fault because she is a prickly uptight bitch who is as sensitive as a baby's sphincter and could only have left because she was offended, not because I revealed myself to be as dense and the core of a neutron star.
ReplyDelete--OP
I thought he was asking how anyone could do anything without their butt, not specifically her or because she had quite the badonkadonk.
ReplyDeleteYou are my sunshine, Fizziks!
ReplyDelete"I discovered that her hips, thighs, and butt were gigantic and totally out of proportion with the rest of her body."
ReplyDeleteBecause most of us have hour glass figures?
I don't know if the OP is exaggerating or if his date has lipedema. Making fun of your own medical condition is not an invitation for others to do the same. If anything, she was probably just trying to get it out of the way. Starting off with joking about it so you can both have a laugh and move on is way better than having your date stare, try & fail to bring it up in a roundabout way, or flat out ask a bunch of rude questions about it.