Story Sent in by Shelby:
Carmen and I were at an ice cream parlor during our first time out. I asked her what she wanted and she asked me if she could share whatever I was buying. I had planned to pay for both of us, and I didn't have a problem with splitting a sundae, so that's what we did.
They gave us two pink plastic spoons, but when we sat down to enjoy it, she asked me if we could just use one spoon between the two of us. I wasn't too concerned about germs (I was hoping to kiss her, if not during that date, then a subsequent one), but it was still a strange request. I told her that it would be fine, and we traded off taking bites with the single spoon.
After a little bit, she asked me if I wanted to see a trick. I told her that I did, and she wiped off the spoon with a napkin and stuck it down her blouse. Through the fabric, she pushed it lower, down into the waistband of her skirt, and lower, still. She reached up into her skirt to pull out... a white plastic fork.
It was not what I was expecting, and I was speechless. What rendered me even more speechless was when she used that very fork to dig back into the sundae. She then handed the fork to me, as it was my turn to eat. Yes, being under her skirt might have been desirable for me, but I had no idea where this mystery fork had come from or where it had been.
I told her that I was impressed, then stood up and grabbed a new spoon. When I sat back down, she asked me what was wrong with the fork. I told her that I had an aversion to using magic forks, hoping that she'd good-naturedly shrug it off.
She didn't. She said that she didn't see what was wrong with using the fork, that she wanted me to use the fork, and that we had to use the fork. I kept on with the spoon, avoiding the parts of the sundae she had touched with her skirt-fork. Seriously, I really didn't know enough about her to be using a fork she had pulled from a place where forks don't go. Usually.
She eventually returned back to a pleasant mood, and we had a good talk for the rest of our date. A couple of days later, I even called her to see if she wanted to hang out again, but she didn't return my call.
In some cultures, presenting your potential suitor a skirt-fork is the beginning of the mating ritual.
ReplyDeleteThat's because you're a forking icehole.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I think my reaction would have been exactly the same as the OP's. I love magic but I'm not gonna eat with a fork you pulled out of your vjayjay on the first date. Just not gonna happen.
I heard KatieGirl can produce a Japanese compact car from her vajayjay...
ReplyDeleteShe has another trick where she uses chopsticks without her hands.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I've been in the real world dealing with law school exams, nice to see you two though are still involved in some internet feud I don't even remember :).
ReplyDeleteAs for my anatomy, believe me, you're so long on the male spectrum, that would not be an issue for you.
As for the OP, I guess if she pulls stuff out from her private area, another date might mean the OP will have access to it. Once again, grateful for who I have in my life.
Oh, KatieGirl, I meant Shelby, the OP's date. At least you're as oversensitive as ever! :P
ReplyDeleteWhy do you even get on the internets, hon, if you're such a prickly pear?
I'm studying for finals, I do apologize for my snippy behavior.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, you've been snippy since waaaaaaaay before finals. I'd genuinely like to take a chance here and reach out -- are you by any chance the blogger who once did Diet Coke in a Lobby? 'Cuz I liked that blog, and even if you're not you remind me of her.
ReplyDeleteSo, woman-to-woman here, and with a kindness you might not see: you're far from the only person commenting here with a happy and long-term relationship (even marriage!). You're not the only person with or pursuing an advanced degree. I'm not saying that to say we're peers; I'm saying that youmaking a point to mention those as often as possible (when others don't feel the same need) makes you look seriously insecure. Being such a tight-lipped marm about everyone else's fun is going to make you a target just because that's how the internet works. I learned that the hard way, too, and partially on this very site, which is why I do my fat-bitch-w/-disgusting-cavernous-vagina schtick.
Come join us.
Snippy Pear...I like that!
ReplyDelete...Me, I'm more of a crabby cumquat.
I'm a dyspeptic durian, myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of a manic mango myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused! who eats ice cream with a fork?
ReplyDelete@Blue - people that are forkin' crazy, that's who
ReplyDeleteJeez, with all this sisterhood lovin' going on, it's just a matter of time before Fizziks and KatieGirl's cycles start syncing...
ReplyDeleteFizziks doesn't have a cycle, she has a Tour de France.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a long time for the dirigible that is my uterus to build up the lining to shed. Last time that happened, some weird shit was happenin' in Egypt....
ReplyDeleteHas Fizziks snatch ever been Lance'd?
ReplyDeleteYou know what a lawyer uses for birth control? Their personality.
ReplyDeleteShe wanted you to fork her of course!
ReplyDeleteah thanks fizziks, i think she kept a fork in there to try impress the super kinky people, and thought op was one of them
ReplyDelete@ Blue - the better to nibble her roast beef curtains, my dear.
ReplyDelete- the better to chew on her whisker-biscuit, my doe
ReplyDeleteSo many questions I need answered- How long has the fork been there?
ReplyDeleteDoes she replace the fork each date, or just reuse the same one?
Was the fork once colored, but it was stripped off due to marinating in her humid swampy snatch?
What happened to the spoon?
It sounds like she has a pussy pinata, and I wouldn't mind beating it with my stick to see what else falls out.
Damn reply function doesn't seem to be working. Architect, your little Tour de France line made me snort so hard I choked on my coffee
ReplyDeleteShe gets a kick out of seeing men taste her.....ice cream?....
ReplyDeleteice cream fork yes blue. no ice cream fork op why call again? all I got. luv luv luv. drinkie
ReplyDelete@ MissAnnie - I believe you meant taste her....milkshake
ReplyDelete@ Kez - I do what I can. Thanks for the kudos :-)