Printer? I Barely Know 'Er!

Story Sent in by Marcus:

Kim and I met in college. We went on a couple of dates and had a great time, and soon it was time for date number three. She requested that I pick her up at her off-campus apartment so that we could travel together to dinner at a Dave and Buster's (an indoor arcade where you can drink) and then dessert at this really great place that I had been to, before.

When I arrived at Kim's, she called from within that she wanted me to let myself in. I did, and her place was a mess, as if a cyclone had smashed its way through her living room, kitchen, and hallway. Pillows, clothes, CDs, shelves, and spatulas were strewn everywhere.

Kim herself was mad, kicking her way through the piles, looking this way, that way, everywhere at once. I asked her, "What's wrong?"

She said to me, "I've lost my printer. Did you bring one?"

I usually didn't bring printers with me on dates, unless they were specifically requested beforehand. This time, I did not bring a printer so I told her, "No."

She shrieked and told me to go out and find a printer for her, because hers wasn't working and she had to print something out. I asked her why she didn't use a computer lab at the university, and she said that she didn't have time for that. She gave me $150 and told me to go out and buy a cheap printer for her.

The cheapest one I found, at a nearby Office Max, was a bit over $100. I bought it and returned to her place with it.

Her apartment was such a mess that I could barely push my way through the front door and inside. The piles of stuff were so colossal that I wondered where she had been keeping all of it when it was arranged in its proper place.

I gave her the printer and the change. It was growing late and I asked her if she still wanted to do dinner. She looked the printer over and asked me if it did color. A color laser printer, I knew, was way more expensive than a black and white one, and the one I had bought her was black and white, only. She shoved it back at me and insisted that I return it and buy her a color laser printer. She swore she'd pay me back, but she had to have the color printer that instant. I asked her if an inkjet printer would work, and she said that she wanted a laser.

The color laser printers were well over $350 each, so I returned the printer I had just purchased for her and called her with the intent of telling her that I wasn't going to lay out that much for a printer. The call went to voicemail, so I went back to her place to let her know, in person.

The place was still a mess when I returned, empty-handed. She talked over me and asked me over and over, "Where's the printer? Did you bring the printer? Where is it? I don't see it. I told you to buy a printer. Where is it? Is it in your car? Go get it. Go get the printer. I need the printer."

I finally said, "I'm just going to let you be." She collapsed amidst all of her stuff and laughed like unseen hands were tickling her. I didn't take her out on anymore dates after that incident.