Lovesick

Story Sent in by Kathy:

In my early 20s, I went on a date with Carlton. From pretty early on in the evening, it was easy to tell that a relationship between the two of us wasn't likely. He smelled funny, and he laughed harder at his own jokes than I did. He also kept reaching across the table to touch my arm, when he spoke. Granted, it wasn't a wide table, but he clearly went out of his way to do it, which made me nervous, especially as each touch was progressively further and further up my arm.

I made the final decision when he launched into a conversation about how we'd spend our hypothetical second date (at a museum), a hypothetical third date (at a farm), and a hypothetical fourth date (in bed). I excused myself from the table and went into the bathroom.

I waited there for a few minutes, then returned to the table and told him, "I'm really sorry about this, but a friend of mine's been in the hospital and I just called to check on her and I kind of want to go see her... I'm sorry."

Carlton instantly went into "concerned guy" mode and said, "Oh my God, we'll head right over." He looked around for our waitress.

I told him, "I'll be fine going on my own."

He said, "No, I'm coming with you." He stood up. "I'll be right back."

He strode across the restaurant to our waitress and told her, I guessed, that we were ready for the check. Carlton returned to the table and said, "She'll be right here with the check. You have your money?"

I was ready to pay my share, and I put it on the table and stood.

"Wait!" Carlton said, "I'm coming with you."

"No," I said, and half-ran for the door.

I hoped that having to pay his part of the check would slow him down, but it didn't. Out on the street, I heard him shout my name, behind me, and I hurried to my car, which was a block and a half away. Not bothering to look over my shoulder, I jumped into my car and drove off, certain that I'd lost him.

I didn't take a direct route home, and I was low on gas, so I stopped at a station. As I stepped out of my car, at a pump, he pulled up beside me in a minivan with his windows rolled down. "Which hospital?" he asked.

"Get away from me!" I said, then jumped back into my car.

"Which hospital?" he called again as I drove away.

I did my best to lose him, but my best wasn't good enough. I pulled into a police station, and he followed me into the lot, jumped out of his car, and tapped on my window with the creepiest smile I'd ever seen. He said, "You won't get rid of me that easily. Which hospital?"

I hit my horn like I was button mashing in Street Fighter. He backed away, returned to his car, and drove out of the lot. No one came out of the station, but a few minutes later, I pulled out, took an indirect route home, and hoped that I wouldn't see or hear from him again.

Well, I was half disappointed. I found an email from Carlton in my inbox the next day. He said that he had spent the rest of the night driving to every hospital in the area, looking for me. He asked, in the email, "Did you not realize that I wasn't with you, when you made it to the hospital? Since our first date didn't end, should I consider our next date as part of the first date, or as a completely separate second date? ;)"

I never responded to that wacko.