Dudes Gone Wild

Story Sent in by Susan:

Duane and I met on a dating website and went out a few times. He was loud and a drinker, but he was funny and I liked him. Our last time out together, we went to a house party thrown by some of my friends. Duane had already had a few before we arrived, and when we did, he bellowed to the assembled group, "The entertainment's here!" and he slapped me, hard, on the rear.

I replied, "And you're it!" and I slapped his back. He laughed and disappeared into the crowd.

Twenty minutes later, he reappeared and said to me, with some urgency, "This is boring. Let's go to Waffle House."

"We just got here." I wanted to catch up with some friends who I hadn't seen in a while.

He tugged at my arm and said, "No, really. I think we should go. You drive."

I asked him, "Why? What did you do?"

By that point, word was spreading at the party that someone had used the bathroom and had missed the toilet by a mile and a half. I asked Duane, "You wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?"

He grinned and said, "I got $100 out of it. If we go now, I'll treat you to any Waffle House you want."

We left shortly thereafter, and as I drove us to the closest Waffle House, Duane shouted, "Pull over!" as we drove through town.

I thought that he had to throw up, but instead, he ran, pell-mell, into a convenience store. I parked the car and went inside to find him stacking cases of beer on the counter. He bought it all, and I helped him move it to the car. He laughed the entire time, and once we were done, I asked him, "We going to Waffle House, now?"

He said, "Yeah, but I got no money left."

I drove him home and made him take all the beer out, himself. I drove off as he carried out the last case, and he must've been unsure of his footing, because he fell over. We didn't go out anymore, and he wasn't invited out with my friends again.