Story Sent in by Terica:
On our date, Don took me out to an Applebee's and asked me if I smoked. When I told him I didn't, he said that he wished that you could still smoke cigars in restaurants (I'm from a state that disallows such a thing). He then pulled a cigar out of his jacket, smelled it, and invited me to smell it, too. I didn't know what I was to be smelling for, aside from the smell of cigar.
"Real nice, right?" he asked me, and I agreed, just to be agreeable.
After dinner, we went out to the parking lot, where he lit up his cigar and offered it to me.
"I don't smoke," I reminded him.
"Yeah, but this is a cigar."
"No, thank you."
"You're missing out," he said, then went on, "Check this out."
He blew smoke out of his mouth, I guessed, in an effort to blow smoke rings. They looked more like clouds to me, but I feigned interest. Then, he said, "This tastes really good. Sure you don't want?"
"I'm sure. Thanks."
"I gotcha. In a hurry for the bedroom? Well, let's go, then. Your place or mine?"
He put out the cigar on the ground and pocketed it, which gave me enough time to assemble a response: "We're not doing anything bedroom-related."
He said, "But I just offered you some really prime cigar. It's Maltese. Forget Cuban."
"No, thank you."
He pulled it out again and said, "Just try some. It'll get you in the mood."
"No, thanks."
"All righty, then."
He high-tailed it to a nearby car and drove off, leaving me there.
Eww, cigar? The only thing I want from Malta, is a falcon, thank-ye-very-much!
ReplyDeleteNow I enjoy a good cigar as much as the next guy, but how you make the leap of "I offered you some really prime cigar" means you owe me sexual favors...That must have been some REALLY prime cigar! What a loser.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have zero respect for someone that smokes cigars or pipes that cannot blow a sweet smoke ring. Take some pride in your vice people!
Sometimes a cigar... is just a cigar.
DeleteSo THIS is what Bill Clinton is up to these days!...
ReplyDeleteThis made me burst out laughing.
DeleteWent on a date, a guy smoked a cigar and asked me for sex. OMG WORST DATE EVER.
ReplyDeleteWhere did the OP say it was the worst date ever, exactly?
DeleteThese are stories of weird/bad dates, not of traumatic, terrible events. A cigar obsessed guy figuring the offer of a cigar would get a woman into bed seems to qualify.
Oh! For a second I thought you were serious about that being a REAL date. I thought to myself "what a coincidence." Ahh.
DeleteOP, next time you are thinking of being agreeable, don't.
ReplyDeleteThought these guys only existed in cartoons and 80's movies.
ReplyDeleteI usually read this stories on my android cell. It resizes every time I click on the link with side bar which is very annoying. It might be intentional on your part, just in case it's not.
ReplyDeleteI use this link on my android: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/?m=1 . Doesn't have all the sidebar links.
DeleteI switched it back to mobile friendly for a bit. Still tweaking. Thanks for bearing with it.
DeleteGod Jared, can't you get it perfect the first time?! You have all those monkey slaves chained to computers, coding for you in the basement of the ABCotD mansion. Just threaten to take away their bananas and see if they don't shape up!
DeleteEr, I just provided feedback. He had asked. No need to get so cocky.
DeleteBtw @JMG, yay for mobile friendly site!
DeleteI'm living the mobile friendly!!!
ReplyDeleteLoving*
DeleteI have a live / hate relationship with my iPhone. (See what I did there?)
I did see. I understand your irritation with said apple product.
DeleteWhat's worse, the fact that Don inflicts himself on humanity or that some woman might buy his schtick? I wish all non-assclown men could join a separate gender.
ReplyDeletelol...to think that such people exist. Sighs!
ReplyDelete