Story Sent in by John:
The first person I ever met through online dating was Margaret. She wrote to me first, and I couldn't tell if her first message was meant to be endearing or insulting:
"haha u have a baby face kind cute lol"
Well, she popped my online cherry, so I wrote her back and the next thing I knew, we were on a date together. A movie and then dinner.
About halfway through the movie, she ran out of popcorn from the giant tub that she had purchased and not-at-all shared with me. Then, she took my hand. At first I thought she was being affectionate, but then she brought it up to her lips and actually slid it partway into her mouth.
I ripped my hand away and wiped it on my pants. She turned to me and said, "Oh lord, I'm sorry. I thought it was popcorn."
I didn't buy it, but I didn't want to cause a scene, so we sat together in silence and with a slightly moist right hand for the rest of the film.
I didn't mention the hand/popcorn incident to her at dinner, and all was fine until she went out of her way, at dinner, to jam her fork into the back of my hand, that rested on the table.
I cried out some sort of four-letter exclamation, and she said, "Oh lord, I'm sorry. I thought it was popcorn." She had an evil-looking twinkle in her eye, and I brought that abomination of a date to an early close.
Who knew cannibals used online dating sites? Did she order any fava beans and a nice Chianti with dinner by any chance? Glad you survived OP.
ReplyDeleteDate is sucking on your fingers, and you.. complain? Oookay.
ReplyDeleteAlso, starting a first date by going to a movie? That would not be my first choice.. sitting next to a stranger for 2 hours.
It doesn't sound like she was sucking his fingers at all. It sounds like she just stuck his hand in her mouth. That's not exactly erotic, especially on a first date with someone you just met.
DeleteMy lady and I did this, it allowed us to be in each others presence without the pressure of conversation for awhile (both introverts) then we had a later dinner and had the movie for conversation topics without having to struggle to find something to talk about
ReplyDeletePhallic Phail
ReplyDeleteOPs first mistake? Replying to the initial message. If she can't type a sentence she may have trouble with the whole "Food/Body Part" thing.
ReplyDeleteGosh, it must have been terrible to have your date sexualize you by sucking your fingers. Didn't she know that the point of the date was to sit silently in the dark?
ReplyDeleteGrabbing a persons hand and shoving it into her mouth after eating a bowl of popcorn after an initial meeting isn't sexy. Strange maybe but not sexy.
ReplyDelete