Story Sent in by Gideon:
Joanna arrived to our first date by bike. She gave me a friendly greeting and we went inside a restaurant to eat.
It was a Mexican place, and for her dinner, she ordered a chicken burrito but without chicken, salsa, cheese, guacamole, beans, sour cream, lettuce, or any kind of sauce.
The waitress asked, "Just the tortilla, then?"
"Yes," confirmed Joanna, "just the tortilla."
That was weird, but otherwise, dinner went fine. I had my taco salad, and she had her plain flat tortillas. The waitress, maybe feeling bad, was nice enough to give Joanna two tortillas, instead of one.
After dinner, we took a short stroll around the block and Joanna asked me, "Want to go for a bike ride?"
At the time, I didn't own a bike, and I told her that. She said, "That's okay. You can just buy one. I'll come with you and help you pick it out."
It was around 9pm. When I told her that I didn't think that a bike store would be open by that point (and I didn't intend to invest in a bike, anyway), she squinted her eyes, pushed out her lips, and wrinkled her face, like she was thinking. Really hard. Really, really hard. Then—
BAMPF!
She farted, and it was a juicer. She gasped, said, "Good night!" and took off. First and last date.
If it makes you feel better, I really enjoyed those tortillas.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe op, you didn't find it funny, I would have and would have laughed it off.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't sound like she gave him a chance.
DeleteYes. He should have looked past his date basically defecating on herself.
DeleteOh yeah, the OP was the problem here. I always love it when my date demands I buy a new bike just to ride around with them and then basically shits on themselves after eating a few dry tortillas.
DeleteYour standards are far too high, OP.
This is just too good. It can't be real.
ReplyDeleteNow I know why she skipped the chicken, salsa, cheese, guacamole, sour cream, lettuce, and beans. She would have blown out the seat of her pants! "Damn you EBS! (Explosive Bowel Syndrome)"
ReplyDelete