General Erectiºn

Story Sent in by Sam:

I came back from the bathroom in a restaurant on my first date with Elaine. Sitting across from her, I was taken off-guard when she said, "Whoa. Calm down, stallion."

"What are you talking about?" I asked her.

She said, "You've got a raging hard--on. I just saw it. Turn it off."

For the record, I had no such thing. Instinctively, I glanced down at my lap to confirm that in fact, I had no such raging formation. I said, as low as possible, "I don't have a hard--on."

Elaine, in a voice loud enough for just about everyone to hear, replied, "You do too! Oh my God, you do too have a hard--on! I know what I saw!"

"Okay, well, it's, it's, let's talk about something else–"

"Will that make your johnny nightstick go away?" she asked.

We talked about other things as the night drew on, and as it ended, I had banished just about all thought of that conversation from my mind. I offered to walk her to her car, and she took me up on it.

When we arrived at her car, she turned to me, glanced down, and screamed. "Dear God! Your hard--on!"

I was wearing a sweater and a jacket. Even if I had a raging hard--on, there would be no possible way for her to see it.

I began to tell her that when she bolted to the driver's side of her car, saying, "Police! Oh my, my God! Police! This man's exposing himself to me!"

She slammed her door shut and drove off, leaving a very confused man with a limp pen|s behind.