The Hole Thing

Story Sent in by Billie:

John asked to see my hand while we were exploring a local park on our date. I let him take a look at it, and he seemed especially fascinated with my right hand's pinky. He looked at my painted nail and asked, "Would you consider cutting this nail down a bit?"

"Why?" I asked.

"No reason. Just would you ever? Like, if a boyfriend asked you?"

I took my hand back and asked, "Why would a hypothetical boyfriend ask me to do that?"

"Never mind," he said, and we went on about our business.

At lunch, we chatted over sandwiches and he said, "Some men find women with shorter nails really attractive. Have you considered cutting your nails? Ever?"

"Okay, what is it with you asking me about cutting my nails? Is it just a turn-off for you?"

He gave me a sheepish look. "They can hurt," he said.

"As in, scratching you too hard during... during sex?"

He said, "Specifically when they're shoved into certain holes. Are you sure you want to be having this conversation with me?"

I replied, "You brought it up. As in, me putting a finger up your... hole?"

"Not my butthole," he explained.

"Another hole? Which?" It was gross, but I was curious.

"My nose, all right? Let's just stop talking about it."

I laughed. "Your nose?"

"We didn't have to talk about it."

"You kept asking me about my nails. Did you expect me to not be curious about it?"

I was pretty lighthearted about it, although I can imagine that a lot of women wouldn't be, on a first date, no less. He was awkward and nice, but I didn't sense much of a romantic future between the two of us. I think he was looking forward to the end of the date more than I was, to be honest. He seemed mortified.