Orange You Glad

Story Sent in by Walter:

Emily was really into comic books. I wasn't, but I was always up for learning more about other people's hobbies.

In our last conversation before our first date, I should've known that trouble was brewing. I asked her, "When you were a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

She replied, "I've always wanted to be a superhero. I still do."

My first guess was that she was kidding.

On our date, in a nice restaurant, the first beverage that she ordered was orange juice. "It's my power elixir," she explained, "I use it to fight crime." She drank it all down at once.

"That's like Popeye with the spinach," I suggested.

She didn't respond to that, but instead looked around for our waitress. "Where is she? I want another power elixir."

I was able to steer the conversation to more sane topics, but it was hard to capture the attention of a girl who kept ordering orange juice after orange juice, pounding them back, and repeatedly saying things like, "Ah, my power elixir!"

By the time our food arrived, Emily said, "Uh, I feel like I'm going to barf. I drank too much orange juice."

"Too much power elixir?" I asked.

She replied, "I think I can feel it working."

We ate dinner with no further superheroic references, but after dinner, she ordered even more orange juice, drank it down, then said, "I feel like I'm gonna blow!"

"Maybe you should stop drinking orange juice."

"Never!"

And so it went. I finally asked her if she was ready to go. The check arrived, and I saw that they charged us for each separate orange juice. I asked her help in paying for them, and she begrudgingly did.

When we stood up, I swear she turned a pretty freaky shade of pale green. She said, "Um, good night. Super pissing power!" and took off for the bathroom.

Lamest super power I'd ever heard of, but it ended the date, so I guess it worked out for me.