Stupidhood

Story Sent in by Ashley:

Gene, in his first message to me, said that I could be a "centerfold." I thought it was a little forward to think of me in a nude spread, but he was otherwise way more personable than the other twerps who messaged me on that site. It was also my first time trying online dating, so I replied back to him and found myself actually enjoying myself.

On our first date, he took me to a bar and grill with an outdoor patio. We talked about each other and he said that he was a photographer and said repeatedly that I would make a great model.

He handed me his "card." It was a tiny slip of paper, obviously torn out of a lined notebook, and with handwritten contact information. I laughed.

He asked me what the problem was. I told him that his card looked like a fifth-grader's card. He said that it was that way because he was an artist. Then he asked if he could take photos of me.

I told him that I was more comfortable not being a model, but he kept insisting. He said that he had taken photos for Maxim, Playboy, Penthouse, and National Geographic. Whether or not he was telling the truth, I told him that I didn't want to model, and that I was firm on that.

Then he started making excuses, telling me that he charged way too much for "someone like me" to afford his photography services, that I had a nice face, but it was, "last year's face," that I was on the cusp of "matronhood," and that I had "mannish features."

I asked him why he had the sudden change of heart. Not five minutes earlier, he was practically begging me to take my clothes off for a photo. He said that upon inspecting my face and body, he changed his mind. I said nothing, but remembered that.

After dinner, he went for a kiss when we were outside, but I gave him my cheek. Why would he want to kiss someone who was so matronly and simultaneously mannish? I wished him a good night.

He emailed me the next day to say that he had a good time and that he wanted me to come over and have a look at his photography studio. I replied that upon inspecting his sincerity and personality, I had changed my mind about wanting to see him again. No response to that.