Dog Years

(Good writers create. Great writers destroy. Click to read more at Jared's Inkwell. - JMG)


Story Sent in by Marsha:

I met John on 420 at a concert. Living in a state that is very friendly to 420, we partook together at the show. I enjoyed talking with him and gave him my number.

He eventually texted and asked me to sushi dinner. During the first 10 minutes of our conversation, I asked him how old he was. He looked at me like he couldn’t believe that I had asked that, and he wouldn’t answer for a moment. He asked, “Well how old are you?” I told him I was 35. He said, “Me too.” I thought that was strange but moved on.

He paid for dinner, I said thank you, and after dinner he asked if I wanted to go for a walk at a park and enjoy some more 420. So far his company had been good so I said yes.

I followed him to a park, which happened to be across the street from his house. He had to grab his grass and invited me in. Knowing it might not be the smartest thing to go to a relative stranger’s house on a first date, but also feeling that I was older, tall, and strong, and can kick the shit out of someone if I have to, I took the chance since it was only going to be for a second.

John introduced me to his two dogs: a four-year old, 100-pound Rottweiler named Mercedes, and a 13-year old blind, deaf, 20-pound little mutt that he had rescued four months before named Squirt. They seemed like sweet dogs and both jockeyed for attention. John started to put the moves on me, which wasn’t surprising since I went to his house, and I didn’t mind the hugging since it had been a long time for me. But I wasn’t interested in anything else.

We sat down on the couch for a minute and the dogs were at my feet. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I felt an eruption on my feet and the two animals started fighting like I’ve never seen dogs fight in my life. The Rottweiler was munching the poor little dog like crazy, and I was sure he was going to eat him dead. John jumped up and tried pulling the dogs apart. He started beating the crap out of the Rottweiler, punching the dog over and over and over, screaming, “Mercedes, stop! Mercedes, no!”

By then I had jumped up and was standing above them all, not able to believe this drama was unfolding in front of my eyes. The whole thing lasted for over a minute, which seemed like a very long time. Finally John was able to break the dogs apart, and his little dog Squirt was shredded. The poor thing’s skin was flapping and there was so much blood. John threw Mercedes into his cage, and tried to make Squirt feel better. By then it was 9pm, and since the blood wasn’t streaming and it didn’t seem like it would fester and kill the dog overnight with infection, he decided to wait to bring her into the vet’s office the next morning, rather than having to pay $1,000 for an emergency visit at night.

I felt really bad for John, because he was so upset, and I sympathized, being a pet owner myself. Despite the unfortunate events at his house, I decided that I would go out with him again since I had enjoyed the date up until the dog fight. I didn’t knock him for doing whatever he could to get stop Mercedes from killing Squirt.

For our second date, we decided to meet for Syrian food. Over dinner, it was somehow revealed that he was actually 38. I remembered him telling me that he was 35, and so another red flag went up. Why would he lie about his age? Then I noticed him eating every single bite of his food by shoveling it up his fork with his fingers. I decided then that this guy would go into the Friend Zone.

I paid for dinner this time, and afterward, it was still light out and he asked me if I had ever been to a certain park that had a great view of the city skyline. Being relatively new to the city and having decided that he could be a potential friend, I agreed to see the park.

We drove there separately and the park did indeed have a great view of the city skyline. While we surveyed the area together, he put his arms around me and asked, "Do you suck dick?"

I told him, "I don't really want to talk about that. This is getting a little too intense for me, and I'm not feeling it."

"Are you on the pill?"

"It's also a little early to be talking about that."

He rubbed his hands together and said, “Ooh, that’s going to be fun!”

"I think you're getting a little too ahead of yourself."

He said, "You’re just like the rest. You have so many walls up, no wonder you’re still single. Come on, let's take a walk around the pond."

The area around the pond was deserted. I decided to leave, to take him out of the Friend Zone and put him into the Fucking Loser Zone. After leaving, I resolved to never speak to him again.

He texted me a couple of weeks later asking if I wanted to go to a concert. I didn’t reply. He texted me again a couple of weeks after that, and again I didn’t respond, hoping he’d get the picture. Finally, I received a text from him that said, “You know, I was disappointed by your unwillingness to go for a simple walk around a pond. There was a mom and her kids playing in plain sight but for some reason it wasn’t safe enough for you even though it was safe enough for a five-year-old. It took me a few weeks to decide to give you a second chance, but I did. I was hoping you might give me a second chance."

For the record, there was no mom and kid at the pond. I wanted to tell him off, but I took the high road, and I responded that I wasn't interested in dating him but that I hoped he found what he was looking for.

Some months later, I found him on a dating website. His age was down as 41. Asshole.