A Piece of Work and an Apple Product

Story Sent in by Emily:

Ty and I were out to dinner on our first date when he pulled an apple out of his pocket and asked me if I wanted it.

"No thank you," I said.

He took a bite out of it, chewed, then asked me again, "Want it?"

"The apple? Er, no. It's all yours."

He said, "Might as well start merging germs early, you know?"

He took another bite of his apple. I asked, "Merge germs?"

He said, "Yeah. I mean, what do you think kissing and sex is? I think that sharing an apple is pretty benign."

He held it out for me again, as if I'd change my mind and happily eat it. I said, "No thanks."

"You should," he advised, "I'm planning to have some of your dinner. I mean, it's cool if we share, right?"

"I... guess."

He took another bite of his apple, offered me some one more time, I turned him down, then he finished it. I hoped that would be the end of that awkward discussion.

Dinner arrived, and after we had both started, he asked me, "Can I see your fork, for a sec?"

"Why?"

"I want to show you something cool."

Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed my fork out of my hand, then used it on his own dinner. Gross!

He handed it back to me, after eating a few forkfuls, with a huge smile on his face. He said, "Now you'll have to merge germs. Sorry."

Actually, I didn't. I set the soiled fork aside and grabbed another fork from a nearby empty table. He looked at me as if I had dealt him a mortal insult, then laughed to himself and said, "You're a real piece of work, Emily."

I'd rather be a piece of work than some gross asshole who wants to merge his germs all over. I asked for the check the next time our waitress came around, and Ty never ended up calling me for a second date. Thank God.